Between The Internet And My Sanity

It’s 2am on a Sunday morning. I have no idea why I’m still awake when I clearly have to be up in a few hours to attend first service and believers class thereafter. But what can I do? Sleep has decided to take a coffee break after a fairly long nap the previous day.

What else? Twitterville is somewhat hibernating with little or no action but endless tweets and retweets from parody accounts. So, I go with what looks like the only alternative left; blog-hopping.

I stumble on Ibukun’s inactive blog(not quite sure now), read through and shared a few posts until this particular one where she explained her decision to ”give Twitter up” . Mind you, this post is over a year old and I remember reading it but not paying so much attention to it because it didn’t resonate with me at that point in time. Infact, scrolling down the comments section, my exact words were;

”Nahh I don’t think I can do this especially since this(Twitter in particular, The Internet in general) is what’s keeping me sane right now”

Hold that thought.

I went back to the article to read some of the links she made reference to. By the time I’m done halfway through the third article about the guy who gave up the Internet for a year, I had a paradigm shift. Suddenly that comment I made almost a year ago seemed invalid.

When I was writing my list of 21 things, one of the points included was to stay off the internet for a week. In my mind, I knew it wasn’t remotely possible but I was ready to challenge myself.

It’s been a little over two years since I became an active citizen of the internet. Not that I didn’t have prior knowledge or access to it, I wasn’t just consumed with it as I am now. It’s quite understandable. Times have changed. No matter how much I’d like to think of myself as a Victorian, I just have to flow with the vibe.

So, I’m at this point trying to compare the pros and cons of ”living on the internet”. Obviously, the pros outweighs the cons in terms of accessibility,availability and whatnot. Undoubtedly, I’ve been able to discover, develop and push myself. Good thing is I didn’t allow myself be swayed by throwing my morals out of the window. Probably because of the way I’m wired. So there’s no issue there. But on the flip side which I’m not quite sure is a disadvantage yet is my reclusity. In my head, it’s all part of the transition to adulthood. Recently, I got asked out on a date and for some (un)conscious reasons, I kept stalling. I haven’t been on a date in like forever! Ola; who serves as my default boyfriend hasn’t been avaliable for a while now so I was supposed to be excited about it but no I wasn’t. You know why? I didn’t see any need for it.. Yep! At this rate I’m not gonna meet people at all and I’d probably not get married. Yeah,we’ll probably date through DMs. Smh. No but really it is an issue for me that’s why I’m eventually gonna have to take time off the internet if things don’t change for the better. It doesn’t even help matters that I currently have online jobs and planning to take up more. Really! Sigh.

Bottom line is I’m have to strike a balance and fix my social life.

I’m gonna end with a few excerpts from one of the articles I read. This struck a chord and I was literally moved to tears because it’s aptness.

 

”….Can we all agree that making friends is just plain hard? You inevitably face awkward conversations, and awkward dinner every now and then, and for lack of a better term, after much investment, you may just come to find out the chemistry (not romantic) just isn’t there.”

”…As if rejection doesn’t take a serious toll on a human being as it is, we’ve now added another dimension. I’m almost tempted to call it imaginary rejection. Rejected by those we’ve never even met. Nor talk to on a normal, consistent basis.With comparison comes jealousy and I’m not sure anything steals your joy quicker than feeling jealous.”

” Because of this new season and revelation, I’ve found that reverting to the internet to bring me
community and companionship is just as easy, but it lacks true intimacy and vulnerability, which to me, is no relationship at all. While making friends and creating community takes time, work, patience, vulnerability,initiation and so much more, the reality is, we were created for face-to-face friendships, not face-to-screen. We want to be known, loved and accepted, but we fear rejection,so we are more comfortable to correspond with people on twitter, as opposed to calling up a friend to meet for dinner”

”But the truth of the matter is, it’s our responsibility to take control of what we let rule over and own us.”

 

EB.

On Invitations,Goals and Whatnot + Last Post Of The Year.

Hi there.

It’s been a minute.

Yesterday, someone I’ve grown to respect on cybersphere invited me for lunch. Totally awkward! She isn’t one of my twitter friends,hardly replies her mentions that’s even when I tweet at her. Infact, it took her forever to follow back; not that I was even bothered. I needed her details for a feature. That was the only conversation we had. So I’m seeing this person in my DM, I’m shocked! Well, I turned down the invitation for several reasons.
1. I don’t even know her!
2. Maybe I’m old-fashioned but you can’t just invite me for lunch or whatever it is expecting me to actually show up in this perilous times. I understand she might have my best interests at heart, but I don’t even know her! Maybe I’m paranoid, I dunno.
3. I’m assuming she’s selecting a handful of people with kindred spirits which we don’t even share to sit around and engage in small talk and maybe bond afterwards. But I’m not even interested. Remember my motto? #TeamNoNewFriends? Good friendship is hard work and honestly, right now it’s not my priority. I have too much going on atm.
4. On a Sunday? Really? No thanks! It’s not like the location is nearby.
5. I’m not even about to engage in a discussion on how to move Nigeria forward like I really care. I read her blog and tweets. We have zero interests in common apart from writing and we’re on totally different levels. Why would I want to subject myself to such *inserts appropriate adjective/phrase here*

Sigh.

In other unrelated but exciting news, it’s the last day of the year!!!! Or second to the last. This might as well be my last post of the year. Time to wrap up 2013. I’m really looking forward to the new year even though I’ve not written my goals but I have a mental note somewhere. I’m very optimistic about 2014. There’s this peace of mind that I have that it’s gonna be well and things are gonna work out.

Meanwhile, the annual RCCG fast starts of the 2nd of January. Instead of the regular 28 days, it’s 100 days!!!!! Okay! so as daunting as this sounds, I actually want to partake. Maybe not for the whole period,but least for a while so help me God.

Oh and by the way, I won another giveaway again. Actually 2. The first was N1000 worth of airtime and the second a free Body Pack from Madeleine’s Box[even though they’ve not delivered] after almost giving up. So much for a gift-less Christmas.

My NHJ has been so-so so far. The shrinkage is real yo! But I think I’ve gotten a hang of it. Hair is something I tell you. Stepping out of my comfort zone and been exposed to challenges is exactly what I’m going through now. Everything I know about kinky hair prior to now just seems like gibberish but I’ll survive. The hand in head syndrome is another thing! I can’t seem to keep my hands off my hair. Smh

What else?

I think that should be all.

Alright people, 2013’s been real yo!

See you in 2014.

Ciao!
EB.

Pretty much social commentary.

Hi there.

It’s been a minute. As usual as part of my unadventurous life [I’m not complaining] I was home all weekend trying to recover fully. The past few weeks have been rather challenging healthwise but thank God for divine healing. But then, the harmattan decided to take it’s full course this weekend. Smh. I.Hate.The.Dryness. Ughh! Anyways, I was actively active on Twittersphere and the only thing I can say is I’m highly disgusted.

1. Almighty Beyonce.
She dropped a bombshell album and the internet went bonkers! She literally shut down cyber world. I didn’t realise until Friday that she has become a sort of deity. ”A self-proclaimed queen” Gosh! it’s sickening and frightening! Trust her voltrons to come at you if you even try to voice a conflicting opinion. If Jesus had come on that friday night, more than half of the world would have been left behind.
It’s just an album!
It’s just Beyonce!
It’s just Chimamanda!
For crying out loud.
They are human. Mortals like you and I.
As far as I’m concerned this is modern idolatry. #ShootMe!
People are literally worshipping her and her music. No doubt she is a fantastic singer, I was once a fan but I know better know. Infact it took a really long time for me to detach myself from the chains of her ”music” like every other secular musician I used to listen to.[It hasn’t been easy and I’m not perfect]. I have a problem with the kind of songs she sings. Apart from the fact that she clearly isn’t glorifying God with her content, her music doesn’t speak to me.. I can’t relate with it. Coincidentally I stumbled on the lyrics of one of the new songs, I think Partition on LIB and I’m like, really? It was so explicit. She didn’t even leave anything out. Sigh. I have better things to do really.

2. False Identities
Some people really have lots of time on their hands. They have time to script a plan and carry it out effortlessly. They have time to open fake accounts using fake identities making up lies, deceiving people and toying with their emotions. It really baffles me. But then it’s the internet. Anything and everything can happen! Twittersphere was abuzz on Saturday, two ”catfish” handles were uncovered. Long story short, some people were affected emotionally. These identities had maliciously preyed on their followership and fed them with lies. Bad thing was I was almost a victim because one of the handles in question was following me and vice versa. We tweeted at each other a few times. She even created a new blog and asked me to oversee it. I did and gave her feedback with words of encouragement like I always do. Anyways I’m glad that didn’t escalate into some kind of twitter-friendship. I’ll probably just be crying now which I almost did. Moral of the story:
Trust your instincts.
Verify.
Any account without a FB/Linkedin/any other social network on the Google search engine is most likely a catfish.
Verify.
These are perilous times and people are desperate.
End of story.

So.Much.Drama.

In other unrelated but exciting news, the blogversary is in less than 24hours. *whoop! I’ll just save all my eulogies for tomorrow.

Toodles
EB.

Diary of A Recluse.

Hi.

So I was @ Dunni’s house party yesterday. After all the munching and drinking,thankfully there was an absence of alcohol, we all sat down to watch Trace in the absence of a DJ.(Thankfully again because I don’t know how to dance to club songs). The TV doubled as a speaker. Gosh I couldn’t stand the noise and the meaningless songs playing. I had to just manage as I began to plan my escape strategy. In the mean time. I turned to Twitter for solace. The football bants didn’t help much. Towards the end I think I ate something that upset my stomach as it began to give signals. Well, Dunni and her other friends were by one side giggling and jumping when there favourite song came up. My humble self was by another corner writing this post.

Sigh.

Story of my life.

One of the reasons why I’d rather stay home than attend a function.

I don’t dance

I don’t drink alcohol

I get bored very easily

Why then would I leave the comfort of my home only to get there and become a recluse simply because I can’t get along?

Sigh

Always and Forever
E.

On Relationships

Hi.

This has been on my mind for a while and I thought I should share.

I’ve issues with meeting people off Twitter. Yeah. I’ve turned down a couple of people and I feel terrible about it. Not because of anything but because I don’t think I trust them enough to meet them. Talk about being so insecure.

In recent times I’ve been so engrossed with myself that I’ve gradually become a loner. For months, I could just stay by myself [with my family without friends]. The occupants in my tiny circle of friends have started enquiring. I just love my solitude. Is it that bad? I had a heart-to-heart with Dunni last week I think. We tried to iron out these issue of staying-home-all-week-keeping-to-oneself. After the discussion,I realised i’ve just evolved. Still am. There are certain things that used to appeal to me; a mean, anytime there’s a meet-up at the movies or anywhere I had to be involved. No one ever forgets to send an invite.

But right now, I wanna stay home and just create. With a backlog of research and deadlines to meet up, I simply do not have the time for small talk. Then again, no one is an island. There comes social networks. As long as I can keep in touch with them via Twitter and maybe Whatsapp, we’ll be just fine. Why then do I need to go out and face unnecessary traffic under the scorching sun all in the name of hanging out? No thanks!

There’s so much going on in my life right now. I’m still trying to find a headway. When people ask what’s going on with me; I just give a bland smile and tell them I’ve been busy. The next thing is to accost you and call you names. They fail to realise the period of chit-chatting is over.

*sigh.

I hope I eventually come out of my ”shell” but
until then….

xx.

I.Write.For.Me

Hey!

Yep! That’s what’s up incase you didn’t know,now you know. I don’t wanna become one of those people that write what the readers expect thereby pushing their feelings and thoughts aside or try be biased. I’m not about entertainment or controvesy; that’s what Linda Ikeji’s for, i write to express,to inspire,to escape. I write for me. TBVH, i really don’t have my readers in mind when i write. Really. I just wanna let it all OUT! No barriers!

That been said, i think over the months i’ve haven’t really had to deal with my offline friends. Most of them don’t even know about the existence of this blog which is soo cool by me. I don’t have to contend with anyone or try to prove anything to anyone. I just need to write so that one day i’ll look back and smile knowing that i wrote my heart out. [Sorry Tomi, i had to say this. It felt soo RIGHT!]

But notwithstanding i appeciate EVERY SINGLE person that has dropped by to read my ramblings. You’re farr too kind! I just feel if i have to be cautious of every word i write, then it’s defeats the whole purpose of being a personal blog which obviously it is. I should be able to express myself as freely as i want. That’s one of the reasons i stopped spamming people with my posts on Twitter. There are times i have to pause and remind myself this things. I don’t wanna end up in a fix whereby i’ll be forced to satisfy both parties.

Ok i think i’ve said enough on this.

Have an awesome week guys!

Don’t worry i still love y’all.

:*:*:*:*

A Lil’ Catch Up!

Hey guys! What’s up with y’all?!

Been a while. Yeah not so far tho buh that’s how i feel. I’m seriously dreading this point in my life where i don’t have daily posts to feed y’all; even as little as a sonnet. 😦 :(. I really do not want my job to pull me away from my dearly beloved blog. LOL. Anyways i’m here now and that’s all that matters.

This past weekend was one tough one for me. The death of Cory Monteith hit me so hard, you’ll think he was a relative or a family member. A couple of years ago, i became so attached to Glee. I dunno. I was an official GleeK. Along the line,it became my fave tv show/musical/comedy all rolled in one [even though i aven’t seen it in a while tho; *winks]. I have both original and cover songs on my phone to fill the void so i don’t miss it too much. Or why else do i watch it?! Their voices are paramount importance. The whole synchronisation and delivery gives me goosebumps. So when i heard Cory died, i was like’ ”wow!”. Found it really hard to believe until Perez Hilton decided to clog my TL with links and tributes and then it finally sank. That very tall,huge guy with an amazing voice and a contagious personality was dead. Glee would never be the same again. The chemistry between Cory and Lea was heavenly. If they finally decide to replace him, they should change the entire cast. Sometime ago, i did a little background check on him and found out he had issues. He’s been through so much and has been trying to come clean; checking into rehabs and all. Buh after everything, he still died. Wow! I know God has a reason for taking him(i.e if he didn’t actually commit suicide, not sure yet). One thing i know for sure is i’m gonna miss him. I mean i have over 50% of their songs and i can sooo recognise his voice from anywhere.*sigh. #RIPCoryMonteith. (This should count as a tribute right?!)

On to not-so-important things;

i think i’ve finally been able to settle and cope with my job. Suddenly it just seems bearable. That’s the idea right?! What then is point of staying the whole month or more?! You get used to it and then it doesn’t seem so terrible anymore. *sigh. Whatever.

A couple of weeks ago i downloaded The Message Bible on my phone. I CANNOT believe i’ve been depriving myself of such GREATNESS!!!. Like i heard about it from my timeline you know and i just consciously ignored it. I didn’t think there was more to it than the regular other Bible versions. And then i downloaded it and used it for my devotion instead of my usual KJV. Wow! That’s all i can say. One of the reasons why i kinda sorta stall my bible readings is the version. As much as i love KJV and NIV, i still find it difficult to comprehend some passages you know. So this Message version was everything! I have no excuse whatsoever for not reading at least a chapter everyday. It’s easy to read and quite self-explanatory.

My aunt needs to stop tensioning me about my FB profile pictures. Like what the hell?!

The endless arguments on Twittersphere is gonna drive me crazy someday. Amean why is there an argument for/against washing boyfriends’ clothes and underwear?! Have washing machines gone extinct?!!! Or have guys sudden become paralysed?! Ugh! *rme. Then again, that’s the fun of it. I’ll just be here loling at their ignorance and stupidity.

*sigh.
I should go.

Don’t worry guys, y’all are always on my mind 😀

xxxxx.