Facade Or Not?

A few weeks ago, while I was going about my business for my next post on AN, I stumbled on BLGH’s Male Natural Hair Icons. Now the this intrigued me enough to start a series. One of the guys featured was Larry. Hot, sassy, eye-catchy with an enormously gorgeous mane. That wasn’t all. I went through his interview and one thing that stuck out for me was his reference to his faith. His was(is) obviously a believer. ( I’m careful not to use the word ”Christian”. He could be a facade for all we know but I couldn’t be bothered.)

Next up was the search for his twitter handle. Luckily, he was gracious enough to include it in his response. Then, I looked it up and followed him. After a while, when the hysteria had subsided, I tweeted at him. His avatar then revealed quite the opposite of what I was expecting. He had chopped off his ‘fro. I could not understand how and why. Then I asked him. Days(ssss) went by(he’s obviously not a regular tweeter) and he finally replied last night.

His exact words;

”basically it represented a lot of things that were in the way, obscuring my view of the
divine father & the son. i realized i let too much of my life be focused on me, and i wanted more of it to be focused on god”.

Okay. Fine. Understood. His current avatar shows that his hair has grown to a certain length. Let’s assume BSL and I’m like ”it’s growing again, gonna keep cutting it?” And he says;

”i cut it again after that, but for now i don’t know. i think i accomplished for me what i needed
to when i shaved it the 1st time. Now i have a clearer perspective of its (and all it represented) place in my life”.

After reading this and correlating it to his interview, I was impressed. In my opinion, he has a level of understanding of his faith and/or spirituality. And I’m asking myself, ” Could I cut out completely anything that would come in the way of my relationship with God?” I let that sink for a minute.

Whilst reflecting, King comes up with own views. He had seen my retweets and didn’t particularly agree with Larry’s explanation/point of view. And I’m like, alright fine then, but you can’t just conclude, could we at least give him the benefit of the doubt? King insists and is not swayed. According to him, which I agree, there’re tons of psychos on the internet that would do anything for attention and would use religion as a justification and this really isn’t any different. I had to stop the argument from escalating. We probably would go on and on.

I’m not particularly bothered about whether or not Larry is saying the whole truth. Whatever his motives are, are entirely his business. However his portrayal is quite intriguing and it reminds me of Matthew 5:29,

”If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose
one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell”

Need I say more?

EB.

2013 In Retrospect : Lowlights

Hi there.

2013 like any other year had it’s downsides. Some of my expectations were totally cut short. Some things I set off to do didn’t see the light of day and whatnot. Inasmuch as I don’t wanna dwell so much on ”negativity” I think the least I can do is to acknowledge them and work on them later on.

This year I

Dwindled spiritually. Yeah. I really hit rock bottom in this area. Struggled a lot with my spiritual life. It got to a point that I stopped praying and reading my bible until I recently got my Youversion app. The plans motivated me a bit with the different avaliable Bible versions. But still, I feel like I’m not doing enough. I feel like I’m taking the grace and mercy of God for granted. At the beginning of the year, I resolved to take my relationship with God more serious and to actually focus and build it but we’re at the end of the year and it feels like I’m back to square one. I also realised it might be as a result of lack of motivation/study partner. I absolutely lacked encouragement from someone to uplift me when I was down. There was no one in sight. Sigh. I hope this changes next year.

Failed to meet up to my reading challenge on Goodreads. This is just sad. I planned to read 20 new books this year and I just got around to read just 1. I have some eBooks in my mail and i haven’t gotten used to reading electronically. Another struggle. Sigh.

Failed to start off my work-out routine. Smh. I kept procastinating and forgetting. I don’t know what stopped me from going to the market to buy a jump-rope or waking up early to do sit-ups. -__- . Laziness I guess.

Missed having a bestie. Yeah. I kind of lost a bestie to a relationship and it’s been terribly lonely since then although I’ve learnt to cope and I’m gradually getting used it. Dunni and Bolaji unconsciously tried to fill the gap but the void was still there. Sigh anyways whatever.

Suspended projects. This has to be the saddest of them all. I started this year with so much hope and enthusiasm and belief and it all just got dashed. I think this had an adverse effect on my spiritual life. I completed lost my trust/faith in God for a moment there. I felt He was non-existing. Amean after praying, fasting, sowing seeds and whatnot, it didn’t materialise and I’m just sad basically. My mum says God’s time I’d the best and I’m like ”yeah sure”

This post just kills my morale really. Having to sit, think and remind myself just hurts. So I’m just gonna end it and come back later.

EB.

From The Experience 8.

Hey guys!

The Experience was AWESOME! I can’t believe I’ve missed 7 years of greatness. Gosh! The most painful was last year when Deitrick Haddon came. Still haven’t gotten over it. Half-expected to meet him there this year but I didn’t and it’s all good. I just need to add attending one of his concerts to my bucket list. But the other artistes were amazing as well. They literally brought heaven on earth.

Cece Winans – Evergreen. She oozed so much radiance and performed splendidly.
Micah Stampley – Awesomeness. His voice! Oh gawd! I can’t believe I haven’t been paying attention to him.
Midnight Crew! – Greatness! They always deliver. I danced till I had cramps.
Sammie Okposo – He delivered as well. He had me on my feet in no time.
Tye Tribett – Energy!!!! Woah! Dude was literally flying across the stage. Love his haircut tho; I remember him formerly on locs. Excellent performance!
Eben – After his first song, I felt left out. He also seems to be quite popular.Also didn’t pay so much attention to him previously. He’s good too.
Don Moen – Uber Duper Greatness. When his name was announced, there was this renewed strength that overtook me. I felt God speak directly to me though the sequence and the lyrics of his ministration. That moment was indescribable. I had no choice but to let go and let God.
Frank Edwards – I have no idea who he is. Heard his name too a few times previously. His songs seemed quite popular too like that of Eben’s. There were a couple I was familiar with that I could sing along to.

Seriously these guys are grossly underrated.

Yolanda Adams – I love the fact that I could just listen and be blessed. It was her first time and she delivered in her own way. I enjoyed it..
Donnie McCulkin – Yoooo!!!! I don’t think I can ever get tired of listening to him. He was awesome as usual!
Mike Aremu – This was the point where exhaustion took the better part of me. l could only sway along to the beats and instrumentals.
Kingsley Ike – Wow! Honestly I don’t know this guy but he is a performer!!!! At this point, the only thing on my mind was my bed. So I joined in the spirit. LOL.
Apart from the terrible discomfort caused by our sitting positions, the hunger, the various odors oozing from various bods, the annoying guys that chose to pitch their tent in front of me,my friend bailing on me, I had a swell time. I could see the stage almost conveniently and had a couple of screens to my disposal. The network was terrible, couldn’t tweet through as I’d planned. In Nigeria, crowd automatically means no network. Had goosebumps almost all through and was moved to tears especially during Don Moen’s ministration. It was a good one. I’m glad I went and even more ecstatic that I didn’t have friends accompany me. I felt I wouldn’t have connected to God like I did. The journey home was….*inserts appropriate adjective*. Anyways, I think I need some sleep.

I looking forward to #TheExperience9 next year. This time, hopefully with my DSLR. I would love to cover a bit of it.. And maybe I could start tensioning Deitrick Haddon to come, afterall he follows me.*moonwalks* ^_^.

Toddles!
EB.

Routines, Friends and Bible Study

Hello people.

I suck at routines.

For some reasons I could start off all motivated and enthusiastic, and then some weeks down the line, I just stop abruptly. I might not last a month . That attitude has sorta crawled into my spiritual life and crippled it. Bible study could be a hassle at times and it shouldn’t be. For weeks I could literally forget to read my Bible or even pray and when I do,it’s probably for a while and the cycle continues. I think it has to do with lack of encouragement/drive from a partner/mentor. The absence of someone to follow through and not make up excuses for me is what I lack. Sadly, my new motto this year is #NoNewFriends which means I haven’t been very inviting. I’d rather just remain curled up in my mole. I’m also very hesitant to reply/answer the request, ”Can I have your number?”.
1. I don’t pick unknown/strange calls. Infact I don’t pick calls at all unless it’s of absolute importance. E.g. My mum, even know my phone is with me 90% of the time. I’ve had my mobile line for 8years now which means a whole lot of people; friends, well-wishers, enemies, exes have it and I’m avoiding a good number of them if not all. So the fastest way to get in touch with me is via email or Whatsapp(that’s if you’re lucky enough or I’m not in a bad moody and that’s like 95% of the time because I’m a very moody somebody.) I’m still hesitant to buy a new sim card because I fell so connected to it and I’m not sure I’m ready to let go.
So with these, it’s sort of difficult to let anyone in since I’ve built this huge wall around me. Side note: I’m not insecure. Lately I’ve just redrawn and somewhat reserved.
2. I’m trying to be careful about the kind of people I move with. As a young adult in this stage of my life, I don’t think I need the ”wrong set of people”. These are perilous times and very few people are actually principled and still hold their values tight. So it’s tad difficult making friends with kindred spirit.
3. My church isn’t helping matters.I’ve been attending my present one for two years now and hopefully moving back to my old one by the end of the year. In those two years I haven’t really been able to fit in properly which means I don’t have church friends. Well I hope, this old one goes beyond loubs and gadgets.
The bottom line is there’s no encouragement of any sort. Inasmuch as I’ve tried to be a goal-getter, I simply can do it alone especially at this very challenging point in time.

Kisses
EB.

What I Learnt.

Hey guys!

So we had our quarterly talk show in Church yesterday and the topic was ”A Christian Home”. At first I was really skeptical about staying till the end of the service, as marriage/family is the last thing on my mind atm but I realised no knowledge is a waste and stayed back. It was basically about the ideal christian home and was handled by a panel of ministers. But there was one thing that really stuck. It was the fact that God created man and woman as ”helpmates”.

In Africa, there’s this ideology that once a woman is married she becomes the slave of her husband as she’s in charge of every single thing in the home. Infact it is/was a taboo for a man to be found in the kitchen for instance talkless of cooking. But today we were made to understand that God created the institution of marriage. Inasmuch as women are commanded to submit to their husbands, it doesn’t mean they should be reduced to slaves! They should also be made to take part in the decision-making process in the home and contribute to the overall wellbeing of the family members. Husbands are also enjoined to assist their wives especially with domestic duties or how else would they show love if not by helping out. It doesn’t make you less of a man or a weakling.

For a minute there, I felt I was ready for marriage with everything I heard. LOL. I think it’s of utmost importance that marriages are built in Christ. Or how else do you plan on fulfilling your purpose? A family that stays together, sticks together and that cannot be possible without Christ as the head of the home.

It is well. God will help us.

EB.

Quote Of The Day: On Making New Friends.

“I’m at that point in my life where I’m trying to ”avoid” the company of my old friends because of my faith. I’m always giving the excuse that I’m busy but in reality I simply can’t connect with them anymore.
Recently, I realised I was gradually becoming a recluse. The idea of making new friends sounds great but for now, I’d rather just be by myself and enjoy my own company.

P:S I have less than 5 friends atm.”

– EB.

On Trusting God.

For a while now, I’ve been struggling to trust God. Instead I’ve been doubting Him. My prayer life has suffered a great ordeal and I no longer believe my own words. I feel I’ve prayed enough and God is stalling in His answers. I believe He sees out hearts, our deepest desires and I expect some sort of reaction. The thing is I don’t have lots of patience. I sort of want things to be done ASAP! So that issue of praying over and over again is totally out of it. In this case, I’ve prayed,fasted and whatnot, God has revealed some of this answers to me and it’s taking forever to manifest. And I’m here questioning the authenticity of these revelations.

Sigh.

Update:
I’ve sorta surrended all to God. I don’t think too much about them anymore. I’ve diverted my energy to something else pending the time, I get answers. Some days I don’t even remember I’ve tabled this things before God because I strongly believe He’ll make all things perfect in His time.
Amen.

Already and Forever
E.

#NP Worn

Hi guys!

When i woke up this morning,this was the first song in head and i thought i should share one of the most amazing songs ever! Gosh! I love love love! Special shoutout to @Replacement2 for bringing my attention to it. Oh and btw, it’s by Tenth Avenue North. I particularly love the vocals. I think the singer did an awesome job. And of course the beats; just apt.

I’m Tired
I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But im too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
And I’m worn
Even before the day begins
I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
Heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Yes, all that’s dead inside will be reborn
Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn.

Hmm. Redemption song.
x.

What About Them?!

Hi guys.

I think the biggest challenge i’ve had to face since my re-dedication to Christ is dealing with my old friends. I’ve always been a liberal person. I believe everyone should be given an equal opportunity. I’m also very particular about the sort of friends i keep. One of my biggest fear is to be wrongly influenced by friends or fall a victim of peer pressure;and so to avoid any sort of drama or regret later on, i try to scrutinise the people i bond with.
For like a year plus now, i’ve become very distant; unconsciously dropping friends that don’t share my beliefs and values and in return made AWESOME like-minded Twitter friends who’ve helped me grow (i’m sure they don’t know this). Not to replace them, buh to try and fill the gap so i’m not totally alone. Now the real issue is those old friends that are still lurking around. I still don’t know how to deal with them. Last night, one of those people whatsapped me. Well he had been trying to get in touch for a while now and i’ve succeeded in ignoring him until last night which was by mistake. I didn’t even spend up to 10mins before i ended the chat. There was really nothing to talk about and i was bored already. There are a few of them like that. I try as much as possible to avoid them and always give an excuse when i bump into them.
But then again, as a Christian, our lifestyle’s supposed to bring people closer to God and not push them away. That doesn’t mean the grace of God should be taken with levity. I dunno. For me, this is still a battle. Dropping old friends or influencing them positively with my new lifestyle? For now, i’m stuck with the former until i’m emotionally capable to do the latter.

x.

He’s There

He’s always there
Ever so faithful
Even when we turn our backs on Him
He’s there to carry us like a newborn
He’s mindful of us
He’s thoughts towards us is hope and peace
When we go astray and wander with no direction
He brings us back
And restores us
How awesome
He never leaves nor forsakes us
He’s just there
He’s always there
He has prepared a place for us
A place filled with milk and honey
A place devoid of pain and sorrow
He’s ready to receive you
However you are
To rebuild you
And to remold you
To give a new life.
Only if you would come.