One Of Those Things

Hey!

So it’s Father’s day today?! I’ve always tried as much as possible to avoid talking about my dad simply because i really don’t have anything positive to say. And i don’t enjoy dwelling on negativity. Buh because of what today is i’ve decided to say a few things and get it over with. I might never talk about it again.

Last week, TNC (http://www.thenakedconvos.com) started a series on ”Sins of the Father”. At first i wasn’t interested you know,i try as much as possible to avoid any talk on fathers/daddies, i have enough to put up with as it is. But after constantly clogging my TL with links, i eventually succumbed and read a piece on Envy or so. Can’t remember now. After scanning through (Yeah wasn’t interested in reading verbatim), i realised i couldn’t relate with what the writer was trying to pass across. So i left. Sometime ago, King tweeted something about missing his dad and all. Again I didn’t know what to say to console him. *sigh

I do not have a relationship with my father despite the fact that we share the same birthday and our rooms are opposite each other. All those father-daughter bond talk is just bleh! I have no idea what it means. And i’m here asking myself whether or not it would affect me later on. I mean so far i’ve been able to cope with my mother doubling as both parents. I aven’t really had problems with guys so to speak and i’m doing pretty good. I guess God has just been helping me really. That’s the only explanation. He has a way of filling the void and emptiness i feel as well as surpressing the resentment. Buh then again,i still hope the absence of a father-figure isn’t gonna have adverse effects on the long-run. *shrugs* whatever.

I really don’t wanna talk too much. I mean what’s there to even talk about. There’s no point. It’s not like it’s gonna change things or my dad is gonna man up overnight. Everything’s still gonna be the same. Buh you know one thing i’m grateful for?! I don’t have a distorted view of men generally. I still believe there are good guys out there. I believe there are guys who aren’t sex-obsessed, who don’t have the mind to raise their hands on women,who fear God and will make amazing spouses and fathers. Always at the back of my mind is that verse that says all things work together for good to them that love God. I probably wouldn’t have turned out this way if my dad was all lovey-dovey. A spoilt brat maybe. I’m sure i wouldn’t have been driven to write and start this blog. LOL

So some of y’all that still have fathers that are alive and functioning, give him a call, say a word of prayer on his behalf or buy that coffee he loves so much because some of us will trade anything in the world for that opportunity.

Happy Father’s Day.
x.

Fathers Are Soo Overated!!!

Yes! I mean it!.
Right now i feel so angry and bitter that i resent my father! I think i wished him dead a couple of times. I believe it’s better to have someone that is alive and useful than alive and not-so-useful. I didn’t think i would be one of the people that will experience Father Crisis! Not in my wildest dreams! And it’s been like that all along. Almost 20years! *sigh* if someone had told me,my dad would turn out this way,i wouldn’t have believed. I would even have fought with the person and kept my distance. Right now, all i feel is resentment and almost-hatred! Yeah! It’s unbelievable. As a child of God,i’m not supposed to feel this way. The Holy Spirit has a way of supressing it so i don’t even think about it. Buh i live with him, what can i do?? My frustration is @ its peak! And as someone said it’s kinda affecting my relationship with guys. So i’ve kinda stayed away from dating, also because i haven’t found someone that can understand me to this extent
Dissapointments have become my second nature. I don’t even expect anything from anybody again just to avoid any more.
*sigh*
I was born on my dad’s birthday so i’m supposed to be his precious birthday gift! Amean that why they named me ”Ebunoluwa” (Gift of God). After my birth and that of my siblings,we didnt have a normal childhood even till date. My mum as far as i am concerned has been both parents. You will understand when i say ”she’s my world”. My dad didn’t do what regular fathers did. He practically neglected us (till date),whilst living with us. He never left the house for a day buh to us He is just an housemate.
*sigh*
As i grew older,my mom encouraged us to pray for him. We were seperated for 7 years (best seven years of my life) because of my mom’s job. So there was enough time & space to intercede on his behalf. After a couple of years,i didn’t see any improvements, i stopped praying. I didn’t see the use anymore and till date i can’t bring myself to pray for him. I just can’t! I’ve left him to God. Just this evening, i was thinking of what i would say during his burial when he eventually dies. Right now i have nothing to say!!! I redirected my prayers to my mom because i don’t think i can live without her.
At this stage of my life, i just have a biological father and not a daddy! 😦 :(. I don’t think i know what it feels like to have daddy.
I’m just so grateful because God has used my mom in so many ways that i couldn’t have imagined. She’s like my compensation buh those fatherly shoes can’t really be filled!
So don’t judge me when i say fathers are overated because that’s just how i feel. 😦