It’s my parents’ anniversary today. If I think of the situation of things in my home, I probably won’t have any reason to write. But I will.
I can’t count how many times I’ve prayed for my folk
s to divorce. Sadly they’ve been able to tolerate each other for our sakes even though they’ve been separated for more than seven years and it looks like the best seven years of my life till date. When I look at how they’ve become, I begin to question God. So I don’t think too much about them. I just ignore and pretend it’s OK and all is well. When you see me you probably won’t have the faintest idea of what I’m going though because I’m a happy child. I don’t let these things get to me. I drown myself in whatever I find; Twitter,Books, Writing, Music whatever just to get away.
But 23years down the line, we’re here. I’m torn between celebrating their ”marriage” and wondering what the future holds for them.
Happy Anniversary Guys!
Always and Forever
P.S: That was my parents and I some 18years ago when it was all rosy.I used this because i would give anything to have them back the same way again.
For some personal reasons, i don’t attend a regular school. This is supposed to be a sacrifice for a greater goal.Lately, ive been asking myself whether or not i made a right decision.If i had known,i would have just applied to a ‘regular school’ and left when necessary. At the same time, im tryna console myself because this has been a period of in depth self-discovery. Im definately not the same person i was a year ago.Ive been able to get to know the ‘real me’. It has been a bit scary buh i try as much as possible to be totally honest with myself.
One of the things i have discovered is my relationship with my parents. I watch movies a lot so ive an idea of what i want from my parents in terms of trust & attention. God knows i would have loved to have a ‘perfect’ relationship with them. i know,its not impossible. A situation where i can tell them almost everything and not turn to a bestie or a blog(no offense). On a scale of 1-10,our relationship is 4. Not even average. How sad :(. (I promised myself this won’t repeat itself with my children). So ive the general problem;they don’t understand me. So much that alot of my beliefs and values are hardly influenced by them. We have different doctrines & beliefs. Instead of trying to understand where im coming from they try to shove theirs down my throat.i mean they ave absolutely no idea what its like to grow up in this generation. They have this impression of me that’s totally contrary to who i really am.I feel for them cos this few times i still have with them they arnt even making an attempt.They feel because they are older they are always right which is totally wrong. Don’t get me wrong,i respect them a lot buh many a times i wish i had different parents who understood me perfectly. Inasmuch as i try to make them reason with me,they just dont. *sigh.
Then again i remember that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord. In the end i feel this is supposed to be a training process for me. Im not supposed to be totally reliable on my parents thereby ignoring God. If i have had ‘perfect parents’ i might not even be bothered with my relationship with God. I feel God has picked this issue to draw me closer to Him.What a big relief! *deep sigh*.
Another Christmas has come & gone. Last week i said i wasnt in the ‘christmas spirit’ and i think i how why.For as long as i can remember ive celebrated christmas with my family.Basically all my life. Ive gotten to a stage in my life that i think ive outgrown that tradition.it seems like a norm to me now.Mind you,spending christmas with the family isnt a bad thing,im just ‘bored’ of it. I need something exciting,motivating in my life right now. ‘Family’ time sure isnt one of them. I feel its because ive always known what to expect every year. Its been the same routine year in year out & my ‘old-fashioned’ parents don’t know how to spice up.I swear its boring living with them especially when ure been so restricted. I’d rather spend the day with the few friends i ave, @ least i know fun is guaranteed.
This year wasn’t so different only that my mum was recuperating from a serious illness and nobody wanted to stress her the more so we just ate out. Mehn i was so glad. Btw,im a very lazy cook.i’d rather buy than cook.Bad habit yeah i know,that’s just how i am. I definately wasn’t interested in making a feast especially with the hectic day ive had previously.Today for me was just like any other day u know,nothing really special (apart from the gifts doe ;)).I tried to have fun buh @ the end it just became worse.Trust my parents to spoil an already bad day.
I just hope one day, i will again find excitement in Christmas buh for now it’s just another day of the year.