Is Family Really Everything?

Hey People.

Two days ago, I sent a SMS to my paternal aunt requesting for a particular something I knew she could afford and effortlessly give out.[ First time in my ENTIRE life] At first, I was quite skeptical. I actually excepted her to turn me down so I prepped myself for the disappointment. Lo and behold, she did just that. I had to even give her a call to get a feedback. I felt really bad. Not because of the refusal, but because it actually confirmed my fears.

Sigh

One of the reasons I don’t ask people for things especially my extended family. Over the years I’ve actually learnt to be content with whatever my parents are able to provide and gather for myself. Fortunately for me, the Holy Spirit has sort of been helping me so it’s become a value.

The quote ”Family is everything” seems to always fly around insomuch that it’s become a personal mantra for some. And I’m like ”what does that even mean?”. Note that in this context, I’m referring to the whole family tree which includes the extended family. Uncles, aunts, grannies and whatnot. In a typical family, there’s supposed to be a sort of connection. Everyone’s meant to look out for one another and be a sort of pillar of support. But that’s not the case in mine. Every time there’s a get-together or reunion, I try my possible best to avoid it or come up with an excuse. A mean what’s the point of being around people who only tolerate you. There’s no bond whatsoever and it’s so sad which brings me to the question; is family really everything? I don’t think this should be a generalized statement because it doesn’t apply to everyone and it’s overrated.

Yes I said it..

Family is overrated. [You don’t want me to get started on my immediate family]

Don’t.Judge.Me.

Anyways my mum tried to counsel me and make me realise that God has a plan and purpose for everything. My aunt or any member of my family may not be there for me when I need them because God wants to do something spectacular, He wants to use someone else; a totally random person maybe so that in the end ALL glory will be ascribed to Him.

Always and Forever
E.

Redemption!

I just remembered him tonite and i decided to blog about it.

9 years ago, we (my family and i) moved to a new house. It was all a new experience especially because it was totally different from where we were coming from. While settling down,we were tried to get familiar with the place. After a couple of months,i think (can’t really remember), my brother and i were permanently grounded. i.e after careful observation of the environment. We weren’t allowed to visit or go out except we were sent on errands. When i look back now,i don’t think i blame them,because as at that time,they were a lot of boys/guys wondering around. Most of them were ‘jambites’ (people who have finished high school and are yet to gain admission into the uni). Well..they’ve all kinda disappered now. So because of our kind of upbringing,we werent allowed to associate with them. We were left with only our next-door-neighbours.

As a boy, my brother was the first to make friends with our neighbour ( there was a family with three boys,the last born is my agemate). Despite the age-difference between them, Dayo and my brother got off on the right foot. They became friends sharply! As for me,i continued to stay indoors until dayo’s brother tried to start a friendship or whatever it was @ at time. (An unserious somebody in my opinion). Anyways after all the senrenre,Dayo and i became friends too.
Dayo had this very cute best friend Ben. You know tall, fair and handsome kind of guy. Even @ that age, i was head over heels for him. He has the most beautiful pair of brown eyes eva!!! *phew! Well, the 3 of us became very good friends. Since they were neighbours (Ben lived somewhere around the estate tho) it was quite easy for them to hang out in my house when my parents were away.
Fast forward to a year later, Ben asked me out. *sigh. Everything was wrong with that proposal amean i was ‘underage’ sort of, was still in junior high and i wasn’t ready for any commitment of any sort. After several attempts i eventually obliged. It was soo wrong but it felt right. Then the rollercoaster journey began.
I had to go to school in a different state buh we made sure we kept in touch. Most times via phone calls @ dawn before i went to school,after i got back and @ night. The weekends gave us enough time to talk all through the night. So for like 3 months we wouldn’t see each other until i got back home for the holidays. It went on like for the next 4years or so.

Because we were always apart,i decided i wasn’t gonna give myself any form of headache as to whether or not he was cheating. i didn’t trust him and because of that we broke up several times buh still had a way of coming back together. Just recently i found out he had been cheating the whole time. I wasn’t bothered.

Ben was everything buh good news. He had issues;the kind of person that falls prey of peer pressure. He drank,smoked,womanized (i think) and very recently did drugs. And he had issues with his parents. I tried to console him. He also had ALL SORTS of friends. He was pretty popular. It was so bad that the elders in the estate knew him and kept their wards away. In Church he was a nuisance.(he only went because i was there). He was BAD news and he was my boyfriend. I was taking a very BIG risk dating him. *sigh*. Nobody knew except Dayo. I felt so sorry for him and had compassion on him.
Sometime ago, i heard that if u wanna change a ‘bad’ person,let the person he loves the most talk to him. (I dunno how true that is) Ben loved me so much. I actually believed him to an extent. So i took on the challenge. I decided i was gonna try my best to change him by making a positive impact in his life. I talked to him day & night,advised him,encouraged him,prayed for him buh to no avail. i didn’t see any visible improvement so 3 years ago i gave up and let go. I left him to his fate. Very recently,i cut all contacts to him. As i grew older, i realised no matter how much i tried if he doesn’t wanna change then no-one can change him.
I’ve left him to God and i try to pray for him you know because i believe someday i’m gonna see him and i’ll smile. I’m gonna be soo proud of him because of how he will turn out. 🙂

Couple or Housemates??

Ok so i’m here to vent and this can’t wait.

I come from a dysfunctional family. So many things are done wrong,misplaced priorities here and there. There’s little or no family bond. Just recently i heard a story about my parents that i’ve never heard before.
When my mom was done narrating ‘her story’, so many things began to make sense. It was then i realised one mistake,just one mistake can change your life positively or negatively. Sadly, in my parents’ case, it’s negatively.
Apparently, they had issues before they got married (some 22years ago). My dad made a terrible mistake and then went on to apologise to my mom who naively forgave him and went ahead to marry him.
*sigh*
Now, she regrets ever making that decision.
Before i heard this story, i felt something was wrong somewhere. They weren’t like the regular lovey-dovey couple who after so many years of being together were still madly in love with each other. They hardly even pass compliments (from what i’ve noticed) or share gifts or behave like a couple. It was like they were strangers or better still housemates. Their priorities changed. My mom was/is bent on taking care of us with/without my dad while he is ‘obsesssed’ with something else,ignoring his family duties. It’s like they despise each other and are only being tolerant because of us the children.
Wow! Such role models?
As i grew older, i began to notice this things because it was affecting us. My father wasn’t a ‘dad’ to us. He poured his love and affection to something else. Infact, we began to ‘hate’ him.
Right now my hatred is filled with so much bitterness and anger. The Holy Spirit just has a way of surpressing and keeping me in control so i don’t do things i’ll end up regretting.
My mum believes he’s bewitched and hasn’t given up praying for him. If she had her way, she would have left him long ago buh because of us.
I feel so sorry for her because she’s so unhappy. Things aren’t going the way it should. My biggest fear is that she will die without reaping the fruit of her labour. That’s something i can’t live with because she deserves soooo much more.
I actually stopped praying for my dad to change instead i handed him over to God and have redirected my prayers for my mom.
Even though i still love to see a big happy family, part of me has given up on that. It’s up to me now to learn from them and not have a repeat. I know i will find true happiness when i start my own family but for now….happiness,love,affection are just words!