Listen to my utterance
Let the rhythm revel you
Lift and set you on a platform
Be the Connosieur of my deeds
Give a shrewd judgement
And drift not to the wind of onslaught
Let the waves of reprimand
Be overshadowed by my aura
My endearing presence
Set you on a staggering motion
And leave you with an uncanny notion
Because my forte has been reputed to be overwhelming.
I feel so empty
I can’t think straight
Inspiration’s been evading me
Words fail me
I can’t let it out
The people in my head are silent
There’s nothing to argue about
This has to stop
I have to do something.
So i thought of you last night
Actually you’ve been on my mind for a couple of days now
I keep fighting it to no avail
It kind of has a way of making me sad
But this time i let it go
I let it take control
I let myself feel loved
Even for just a moment
I just want to stare into your eyes all day
Wrapped in your huge arms
Like a babe in a cradle
Just shutting out the world
And just live for the moment
I wanna sit with you over a candle-lit dinner and just stare and drink red wine
Yeah your gaze makes me feel safe
All my worries melt into thin air
I wanna sit with you and watch the Notebook
You know I’m a cry baby
So you’re gonna have to wipe my tears a lot.
Don’t worry we’ll fix a box of tissue nearby
We’re gonna save up and fly to Paris
Eat croissants and take long walks
Visit the Eiffel, share a kiss and fall in love all over again
Take a boat across the Seine and make wishes
Just with you
But……you’re not here
At least not yet
This realization makes me really sad
No one to share this thoughts with
You know what?!
I’m gonna wait
I don’t care how long it takes
Because at the end it will all be worth it
But until then….
This vent is straight from my heart amidst tears.
Day in day out
I wonder what i can do please you
Instead you just complain and complain and complain
You’re never satisfied
You want me to be perfect forgetting i’m only human
I’m only young once
I’m allowed to do certain things
I’m allowed to break boundaries
I’m allowed to try things out
I’m allowed to explore
I’m allowed to be creative
I’m allowed to express myself.
I’m allowed to be imperfect
You’d rather tag me as been mannerless or rebellious
Honestly, along the line i didn’t care anymore
I still don’t.
Over the years the only thing i’ve felt is pure neglect, judgement and misunderstanding.
I’ve never felt this way with anyone else
And it’s affecting me
I can’t even fall in love
And we’re supposed to have the best relationship in the world.
I really don’t know what to say to you
I’ve thought over and over
I’ve lived as decent as possible not because of what you would say or think buh because of God.
Only if you knew.
I was never after your approval
Because i realised early enough
You can’t be pleased
You haven’t influenced my life in anyway.
Just so you know.
The Bible has always been my guideline.
You don’t care about my feelings
You only want your orders to be carried out
In your mind you’re perfect
No one is allowed to counter you.
Honestly,i don’t care
I’ve always tried to talk to you
Really i tried
I tried to develop our relationship
Really i tried
Buh what do i get in return
You don’t even believe i should have a mind of my own.
If you had your way i would be your robot
You would command and order me the way you please.
Hmm buh guess what:
Even under your ”protection”
I’ve grown,i’ve matured
I have a mind of my own
I’m as stubborn as….you can’t even imagine
And honestly,i couldn’t be more proud of myself
And i can’t wait to break-free
Only then will i totally be ME.
How are y’all doing?
I think i’m gradually becoming a rebel or i am already; in a good way that is. So many things i wanna try out and experiment buh i can’t. Simply because the people in charge don’t agree and are against it. Now i’m stuck between obeying them and killing my ideas. At the end of the day,i end up frustrated! I think it’s safe to say that’s my present state of mind.
I go on social media and see my agemates doing something huge and i’m like what’s stopping me? I can do this! I wanna try it out. I’ve come to realise i’m more of a spontaneous person. I read stuff online and get obsessed with it. I wanna try my hands on it especially if the product in question is really cheap and readily avaliable. After all the excitement, i realise i can’t do it then it all boils down to frustration again! Mehn,it kills me!! 😦
These things happen day in day out and you’re sitting down wondering whether or not you’ve made the right decision by choosing to obey those in authority @ the expense of your own personal development. And these people don’t even care or pretend not to. Instead they just continue to condemn and criticize you sometimes even pouring their own personal frustrations on you. Then you have a double-dose. They fail to realize one isn’t getting younger. We need to start looking for ways to fend for ourselves. We need to become less-dependent and more independent.
Every now and then you’re lost in thoughts wondering when this ‘phase’ will be over. You are in a dire need of a breakthrough so to speak. You need to break-free! You need to stand on your own and work and earn a living! You need to implement your ideas and make amazing innovations! You need to pass this knowledge on to others so they can learn from it buh what do you get?? Neglect,Religion (figuratively) and Stagnation. 😐
You try to carry out a couple of ideas discreetly so you don’t invite unnecessary ‘sermons’. You don’t wanna be tagged ‘rebellious’. You wanna be a good girl and not cause trouble. Is that life? Being prevented from doing what you really desire @ the expense of pleasing them? *pfttt!
Then you realise you have no choice, all you do is to keep encouraging and telling yourself, ‘This is for a short while,it will pass’ and hoping someday you break-free and let the world know about you! 🙂
I really don’t know what’s unconsciously holding me down. All i know is i’m just sober,careful and waiting VERY patiently. I’ve come to realise this period is REALLY trying my patience. 😐
How are y’all doing?
Shoutout to Feranmi a.k.a @Official_Agbero for the inspiration. (where did he even get that name from?? SMH :|) He tweeted and then blogged about it. Before i knew it memories came rushing back.
I remember vivdly writing my first love letter @ the age of 13 or thereabout. It wrote it then because i was compelled to not because i wanted to. The guy in question had written me one and expected a reply. What exactly do u expect a 13 year old to know about love? Anyways i remember scribbling a couple of words to at least get him off my neck. Fast-forward to 6 years ago,i got to write a proper love letter. I was so in love that i couldn’t wait. I wrote a 10page letter. The first 5 was sort of a confession and the main ish was @ the latter. So it was a whole package. Did i mention how much i love writing?? I love to write and my handwriting is fab! (even if i say so myself ;). So i went on and on. Got to a point i had to summarize you know just to pity the reader. :). The most painful part of it all was that i didn’t get a reply or @ least what i wanted/expected. He scribbled a couple of lines in return. Someone will say it’s karma in progress. Instead he gave an excuse. He said he wasn’t good in writing and so couldn’t document his feelings. Blah! blah!! blah!!!
Moving on! Right now, with Skype and Instagram no one even remembers love letters anymore. I bet some still do. Those that havn’t been opportuned to partake in technology and civilisation. They have to communicate in a way @ least. Personally,i love love letters. #DearFutureHusband take note! :D. I love the fact that ure able to convey your innermost feelings without leaving anything out. You could totally be yourself without caring about what pople would say. Some people are naturally shy so it’s a perfect medium to express one’s feelings. It doesn’t ave to be so fanciful you know. It’s the contents that matters. I think when couples exchange letters,there’s a kind of assurance. I don’t think you’ll wanna lie or try to be cunning or try to make an impression. You’re TOTALLY yourself! It has some kind of magic you know I know. LOL
Anyways y’all should ave fun,write the one you love a letter. Life’s too short and you only love once.