The Struggle -_-

Hey!

At the beginning of this month i.e Saturday to be precise,i decided to try my hands on poetry and so far i’ve successfully posted 2 and still struggling with the 3rd one. I dunno. It’s supposed to be easy. I find myself struggling with lines. Most times i could just have a title and then try to build the poem around it or a line which is supposed breed more ideas buh i just get stuck. It’s taking me too long to write a verse. Most of my narratives just take me less than 30mins buh this is taking forever. Other times i feel drained. My vocabulary often fails me so i end up with mere lines. You know what kills me the most?! In my head, i’ve beautiful ideas, the real problem is putting them into writing.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I’m just here consoling myself. I’m still a novice. This is the very first time i’m trying this and it isn’t supposed to be easy. I’m cannot be a pro at this all of a sudden. I need more practice. So i’ve decided for the rest of this month i’m gonna try no matter how difficult or chessy it sounds to write 1 poem a day. Then by the end of the month, i’ll take a stand. *sigh. I so hope i improve.

I’m outta here!

Advertisements

*Sobs* :(

Hey!

This vent is straight from my heart amidst tears.

I dunno
Day in day out
I wonder what i can do please you
Instead you just complain and complain and complain
You’re never satisfied
You want me to be perfect forgetting i’m only human
I’m only young once
I’m allowed to do certain things
I’m allowed to break boundaries
I’m allowed to try things out
I’m allowed to explore
I’m allowed to be creative
I’m allowed to express myself.
I’m allowed to be imperfect
Buh no!
You’d rather tag me as been mannerless or rebellious
Honestly, along the line i didn’t care anymore
I still don’t.
Over the years the only thing i’ve felt is pure neglect, judgement and misunderstanding.
I’ve never felt this way with anyone else
And it’s affecting me
I can’t even fall in love
And we’re supposed to have the best relationship in the world.
Hmm. Indeed.
I really don’t know what to say to you
I’ve thought over and over
I’ve lived as decent as possible not because of what you would say or think buh because of God.
Only if you knew.
I was never after your approval
Because i realised early enough
You can’t be pleased
You haven’t influenced my life in anyway.
Just so you know.
The Bible has always been my guideline.
You don’t care about my feelings
You only want your orders to be carried out
In your mind you’re perfect
No one is allowed to counter you.
Honestly,i don’t care
I’ve always tried to talk to you
Really i tried
I tried to develop our relationship
Really i tried
Buh what do i get in return
Totally neglect
You don’t even believe i should have a mind of my own.
If you had your way i would be your robot
You would command and order me the way you please.
Hmm buh guess what:
Even under your ”protection”
I’ve grown,i’ve matured
I have a mind of my own
I’m as stubborn as….you can’t even imagine
And honestly,i couldn’t be more proud of myself
And i can’t wait to break-free
Only then will i totally be ME.

x.

Love Letters! Say Whattt????!

How are y’all doing?

Shoutout to Feranmi a.k.a @Official_Agbero for the inspiration. (where did he even get that name from?? SMH :|) He tweeted and then blogged about it. Before i knew it memories came rushing back.

I remember vivdly writing my first love letter @ the age of 13 or thereabout. It wrote it then because i was compelled to not because i wanted to. The guy in question had written me one and expected a reply. What exactly do u expect a 13 year old to know about love? Anyways i remember scribbling a couple of words to at least get him off my neck. Fast-forward to 6 years ago,i got to write a proper love letter. I was so in love that i couldn’t wait. I wrote a 10page letter. The first 5 was sort of a confession and the main ish was @ the latter. So it was a whole package. Did i mention how much i love writing?? I love to write and my handwriting is fab! (even if i say so myself ;). So i went on and on. Got to a point i had to summarize you know just to pity the reader. :). The most painful part of it all was that i didn’t get a reply or @ least what i wanted/expected. He scribbled a couple of lines in return. Someone will say it’s karma in progress. Instead he gave an excuse. He said he wasn’t good in writing and so couldn’t document his feelings. Blah! blah!! blah!!!

Moving on! Right now, with Skype and Instagram no one even remembers love letters anymore. I bet some still do. Those that havn’t been opportuned to partake in technology and civilisation. They have to communicate in a way @ least. Personally,i love love letters. #DearFutureHusband take note! :D. I love the fact that ure able to convey your innermost feelings without leaving anything out. You could totally be yourself without caring about what pople would say. Some people are naturally shy so it’s a perfect medium to express one’s feelings. It doesn’t ave to be so fanciful you know. It’s the contents that matters. I think when couples exchange letters,there’s a kind of assurance. I don’t think you’ll wanna lie or try to be cunning or try to make an impression. You’re TOTALLY yourself! It has some kind of magic you know I know. LOL

Anyways y’all should ave fun,write the one you love a letter. Life’s too short and you only love once.

x

My New Love

Years ago, when it was time to take a picture particularly with a group or the family,i’ll just squeeze or make a face of digust. I would always say: ‘I don’t like taking pictures’. Years down the line,its a different story. Every opportunity i get, i wanna be in front of the camera, i wanna capture an event or something or rather express myself. Lately it’s been alarming maybe because of the advent of social networks where you have to update your profiles every now and then. You don’t wanna be seen as stale, you wanna be up-to-date. You want friends to make nice comments about you. You just want the spotlight especially if its breathtaking. You want others to know your style or you wanna portray yourself in a particular kind of light,photography does it all. Did i mention its also fun especially if its a shoot or just random moments alone or with friends?!
My new love for photography has taken me by surprise. I totally didnt know its was gonna get to this extent. Every other day, i find myself taking pictures of myself in different poses; more recently, making funny faces. I think one of the reasons ive fallen in love with photography is because of my friend Tolu. He is an AMAZING photographer and owns a studio which i always love to visit. His style got to me.He isnt just a random photographer,he is a professional.( i have so much love for professionals). I admire photographers a lot. From TY bello to Kelechi Amadi-Obi to Moussa Moussa to Obi Somto to Losgiddy(met him on twitter), i love their works not only because of their professionalism buh because they’ve taken photography to a whole new level.Photography for me is a way of expression. The fact that the camera can capture just about anything baffles me. I can totally be myself in front of a camera and just enjoy the moment. I have decided that im gonna purchase a nice camera soon! Its something i wanna do for fun. I wanna be able to capture every moment in my life. As it is said pictures tell stories, i don’t think im gonna have any problem talking to my children or anybody about my life.