Between The Internet And My Sanity

It’s 2am on a Sunday morning. I have no idea why I’m still awake when I clearly have to be up in a few hours to attend first service and believers class thereafter. But what can I do? Sleep has decided to take a coffee break after a fairly long nap the previous day.

What else? Twitterville is somewhat hibernating with little or no action but endless tweets and retweets from parody accounts. So, I go with what looks like the only alternative left; blog-hopping.

I stumble on Ibukun’s inactive blog(not quite sure now), read through and shared a few posts until this particular one where she explained her decision to ”give Twitter up” . Mind you, this post is over a year old and I remember reading it but not paying so much attention to it because it didn’t resonate with me at that point in time. Infact, scrolling down the comments section, my exact words were;

”Nahh I don’t think I can do this especially since this(Twitter in particular, The Internet in general) is what’s keeping me sane right now”

Hold that thought.

I went back to the article to read some of the links she made reference to. By the time I’m done halfway through the third article about the guy who gave up the Internet for a year, I had a paradigm shift. Suddenly that comment I made almost a year ago seemed invalid.

When I was writing my list of 21 things, one of the points included was to stay off the internet for a week. In my mind, I knew it wasn’t remotely possible but I was ready to challenge myself.

It’s been a little over two years since I became an active citizen of the internet. Not that I didn’t have prior knowledge or access to it, I wasn’t just consumed with it as I am now. It’s quite understandable. Times have changed. No matter how much I’d like to think of myself as a Victorian, I just have to flow with the vibe.

So, I’m at this point trying to compare the pros and cons of ”living on the internet”. Obviously, the pros outweighs the cons in terms of accessibility,availability and whatnot. Undoubtedly, I’ve been able to discover, develop and push myself. Good thing is I didn’t allow myself be swayed by throwing my morals out of the window. Probably because of the way I’m wired. So there’s no issue there. But on the flip side which I’m not quite sure is a disadvantage yet is my reclusity. In my head, it’s all part of the transition to adulthood. Recently, I got asked out on a date and for some (un)conscious reasons, I kept stalling. I haven’t been on a date in like forever! Ola; who serves as my default boyfriend hasn’t been avaliable for a while now so I was supposed to be excited about it but no I wasn’t. You know why? I didn’t see any need for it.. Yep! At this rate I’m not gonna meet people at all and I’d probably not get married. Yeah,we’ll probably date through DMs. Smh. No but really it is an issue for me that’s why I’m eventually gonna have to take time off the internet if things don’t change for the better. It doesn’t even help matters that I currently have online jobs and planning to take up more. Really! Sigh.

Bottom line is I’m have to strike a balance and fix my social life.

I’m gonna end with a few excerpts from one of the articles I read. This struck a chord and I was literally moved to tears because it’s aptness.

 

”….Can we all agree that making friends is just plain hard? You inevitably face awkward conversations, and awkward dinner every now and then, and for lack of a better term, after much investment, you may just come to find out the chemistry (not romantic) just isn’t there.”

”…As if rejection doesn’t take a serious toll on a human being as it is, we’ve now added another dimension. I’m almost tempted to call it imaginary rejection. Rejected by those we’ve never even met. Nor talk to on a normal, consistent basis.With comparison comes jealousy and I’m not sure anything steals your joy quicker than feeling jealous.”

” Because of this new season and revelation, I’ve found that reverting to the internet to bring me
community and companionship is just as easy, but it lacks true intimacy and vulnerability, which to me, is no relationship at all. While making friends and creating community takes time, work, patience, vulnerability,initiation and so much more, the reality is, we were created for face-to-face friendships, not face-to-screen. We want to be known, loved and accepted, but we fear rejection,so we are more comfortable to correspond with people on twitter, as opposed to calling up a friend to meet for dinner”

”But the truth of the matter is, it’s our responsibility to take control of what we let rule over and own us.”

 

EB.

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#ThankfulFriday

Hi.

It’s been one hell of a week. I’ll explain later however I’m thankful still.

This past week, I’m thankful for
– Life. The Gift of Life.
– Provision of all sorts
– Journey mercies
– New Friends
– Budding friendships
– Freelance writing gigs
– Giveaways!
– The Internet
– Whatsapp
– Credit alert
– Old friends
– Strength. I need lots of it these days
– Sanity
– My jump-rope! ^^
– Laughter and smiles
– Persistence

What are you particularly thankful for?

Toodles
EB.

Goals, Resolutions And All Other Things In Between.

Hi people!

Happy New Year!!!!!

I’m so psyched about 2014 because there’s so much I’m looking forward to! Geez! It’s gonna be a start of new things. So without much ado, I’ve decided to share some of my goals for the new year with y’all.

Be Inspired

I think the most important thing for me this year is to improve my relationship with God. Get closer to Him, study and Bible more, pray and whatnot. I also wish/hope I find a study buddy this year. Someone to follow through and put me in check. And no, I don’t want any one/group online.

Healthwise, I plan to actually start a work-out routine. I really don’t have problems with healthy eating. Junk food is a no-brainer and I can proudly say I’ve overcome my coke addiction.

School’s just gonna go on smoothly. I hope I can return to Alliance Francaise this year to bag another diploma.

My photography career/business/side hustle would also kick off in full force as soon as I get my DSLR. This year, I hope to take at least 10,000 photos, attend seminars/workshops and get as many internships as possible.

I also want to try as much as possible to acquire additional vocational skills. I hope my mother would finally accept and realise that there can never be too many MUAs in the business.

By the end of the year, I would have been 12months Post BC, 21months Post Relaxer. My hair goal is BSL or at least it should be able to be packed in a bun, healthy hair notwithstanding.

Hopefully, this year I can cross out most, if not all the things on my 21 list before my birthday.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this year I want a getaway from my house. I sort of need space and since I go to school from home, this is kind of a ”luxury”. I hope I find somewhere to elope to.

Blog-wise, I hope to be as consistent as the previous year and even better. Maybe I’ll finally get around to improving the appearance and personalising it more.

For now, I’ve decided not to visit Goodreads because I’ll probably be tempted to pick a random figure and set a reading goal. That didn’t really go well last year. So, this is me holding back until I’m sure I can lay my hands on paperbacks or hardcovers. Electronic reading isn’t really my forte……yet.

These amongst other things are my goals for 2014.

However, I’ve resolved to deal with my Social Media addiction. I think this is as a result of the fact that I have so much free time on my hands atm and suddenly movies and any other source of entertainment don’t appeal to me anymore. Well, hopefully this will change this year.

Have A Fabulous Year Ahead! I know I will.

Toodles!
EB.

On Invitations,Goals and Whatnot + Last Post Of The Year.

Hi there.

It’s been a minute.

Yesterday, someone I’ve grown to respect on cybersphere invited me for lunch. Totally awkward! She isn’t one of my twitter friends,hardly replies her mentions that’s even when I tweet at her. Infact, it took her forever to follow back; not that I was even bothered. I needed her details for a feature. That was the only conversation we had. So I’m seeing this person in my DM, I’m shocked! Well, I turned down the invitation for several reasons.
1. I don’t even know her!
2. Maybe I’m old-fashioned but you can’t just invite me for lunch or whatever it is expecting me to actually show up in this perilous times. I understand she might have my best interests at heart, but I don’t even know her! Maybe I’m paranoid, I dunno.
3. I’m assuming she’s selecting a handful of people with kindred spirits which we don’t even share to sit around and engage in small talk and maybe bond afterwards. But I’m not even interested. Remember my motto? #TeamNoNewFriends? Good friendship is hard work and honestly, right now it’s not my priority. I have too much going on atm.
4. On a Sunday? Really? No thanks! It’s not like the location is nearby.
5. I’m not even about to engage in a discussion on how to move Nigeria forward like I really care. I read her blog and tweets. We have zero interests in common apart from writing and we’re on totally different levels. Why would I want to subject myself to such *inserts appropriate adjective/phrase here*

Sigh.

In other unrelated but exciting news, it’s the last day of the year!!!! Or second to the last. This might as well be my last post of the year. Time to wrap up 2013. I’m really looking forward to the new year even though I’ve not written my goals but I have a mental note somewhere. I’m very optimistic about 2014. There’s this peace of mind that I have that it’s gonna be well and things are gonna work out.

Meanwhile, the annual RCCG fast starts of the 2nd of January. Instead of the regular 28 days, it’s 100 days!!!!! Okay! so as daunting as this sounds, I actually want to partake. Maybe not for the whole period,but least for a while so help me God.

Oh and by the way, I won another giveaway again. Actually 2. The first was N1000 worth of airtime and the second a free Body Pack from Madeleine’s Box[even though they’ve not delivered] after almost giving up. So much for a gift-less Christmas.

My NHJ has been so-so so far. The shrinkage is real yo! But I think I’ve gotten a hang of it. Hair is something I tell you. Stepping out of my comfort zone and been exposed to challenges is exactly what I’m going through now. Everything I know about kinky hair prior to now just seems like gibberish but I’ll survive. The hand in head syndrome is another thing! I can’t seem to keep my hands off my hair. Smh

What else?

I think that should be all.

Alright people, 2013’s been real yo!

See you in 2014.

Ciao!
EB.

We Are One!!!!

Hi guys!

Today marks the first year anniversary of this blog. It’s been an amazing year!!!! Right now, I’m overwhelmed. I’m just so thankful for every single one of my wordpress followers, blog readers, comments and referrals. It’s been a year of drastic and substantial growth. I’ve met talented writers who inspire and drive me through this blog. It hasn’t been really easy but there was one thing on my mind all through; consistency! That’s what basically drives me to write at least 20 posts monthly and I’m glad I’ve gotten to this stage where it really isn’t a problem anymore. Anyways in the course of the year, my stats shows I’ve had

306 posts
662 comments
9,341 views
1,515 email subscribers
Over 200 likes
Over 174 followers worldwide

With all these, I’m pretty content especially since I achieved this without the help of any family or friend. [Yeah, it’s hard to believe but none of my family members or school friends have actually been here and it’s fine by me, honestly]. So I’m proud of myself to some extent. I refused to get involved or campaign for the just concluded Nigerian Blog Awards. I didn’t feel the need to be validated or rewarded for something that has become a second nature to me. I also refrained from spamming my timeline with links of my blogposts. I figured readers will come around as long as I’m consistent enough and I’m pleased with the results so far. I might not get tons of comments or traffic but I’m satisfied with my close knit of blog readers.

It’s been an awesome year. Thank y’all for making this a reality!

Cheers to a better and more rewarding year! [I’m tempted to insert *Eko o ni baje* here. LOL!]

Toodles
EB.

#ThankfulThursdays

Hi.

Sigh. It’s been one hell of a week. I’ve had the craziest migraine in recent times. Literally. And it’s affecting me.. My mood has been on a roll, one minute I’m snapping, the next I’m all bubbly. Sigh. But notwithstanding I’m thankful for

1. Life (Death seems to be lurking around frequently this days)
2. Sound health. [ I’ve been taking my health for granted a lot. I bask in the fact that I’m immune to any disease)
3. Toye ( Even though I’m still upset with him)
4. Ice (The heat’s been cray!)
5. Food ( Ironic! I haven’t eaten well this past week. Food suddenly seems unappealing but I’m thankful still)
6. Mr Niyi ( He’s been such a blessing this past month)
7. Mr Niyi’s daughter ( She arrived this past week)
8. Traffic – free journeys ( Lord knows I detest traffic!)
9. Picmonkey ^^
10. Youversion app ( It has a way of mandating me to read at least a chapter of the Bible)
11. Sleep ( I haven’t been sleeping well either but I’m thankful still. It’s getting better)
12. Strength ( I need a lot of it these days)
13. Smiles and Laughter
14. Sanity

What are you thankful for?

Toodles
EB.

2013 In Retrospect : Lowlights

Hi there.

2013 like any other year had it’s downsides. Some of my expectations were totally cut short. Some things I set off to do didn’t see the light of day and whatnot. Inasmuch as I don’t wanna dwell so much on ”negativity” I think the least I can do is to acknowledge them and work on them later on.

This year I

Dwindled spiritually. Yeah. I really hit rock bottom in this area. Struggled a lot with my spiritual life. It got to a point that I stopped praying and reading my bible until I recently got my Youversion app. The plans motivated me a bit with the different avaliable Bible versions. But still, I feel like I’m not doing enough. I feel like I’m taking the grace and mercy of God for granted. At the beginning of the year, I resolved to take my relationship with God more serious and to actually focus and build it but we’re at the end of the year and it feels like I’m back to square one. I also realised it might be as a result of lack of motivation/study partner. I absolutely lacked encouragement from someone to uplift me when I was down. There was no one in sight. Sigh. I hope this changes next year.

Failed to meet up to my reading challenge on Goodreads. This is just sad. I planned to read 20 new books this year and I just got around to read just 1. I have some eBooks in my mail and i haven’t gotten used to reading electronically. Another struggle. Sigh.

Failed to start off my work-out routine. Smh. I kept procastinating and forgetting. I don’t know what stopped me from going to the market to buy a jump-rope or waking up early to do sit-ups. -__- . Laziness I guess.

Missed having a bestie. Yeah. I kind of lost a bestie to a relationship and it’s been terribly lonely since then although I’ve learnt to cope and I’m gradually getting used it. Dunni and Bolaji unconsciously tried to fill the gap but the void was still there. Sigh anyways whatever.

Suspended projects. This has to be the saddest of them all. I started this year with so much hope and enthusiasm and belief and it all just got dashed. I think this had an adverse effect on my spiritual life. I completed lost my trust/faith in God for a moment there. I felt He was non-existing. Amean after praying, fasting, sowing seeds and whatnot, it didn’t materialise and I’m just sad basically. My mum says God’s time I’d the best and I’m like ”yeah sure”

This post just kills my morale really. Having to sit, think and remind myself just hurts. So I’m just gonna end it and come back later.

EB.

2013 In Retrospect: Highlights.

Hi there.

2013 has been quite an eventful year for me. It’s been mostly filled with new discoveries, realisations, lessons and whatnots. The year started on a good note. I had a few plans with little or no expectation. Well, let’s just say, it didn’t quite turn out to be what I expected, it was better. It was overwhelming. A lot of things happened and I’m grateful for every single one of them and even the requests that weren’t answered, I’m grateful still because the Holy Book says, the thoughts He has of us are good and not evil to give us a hope and a future and even though it might tarry, it would surely come to pass. That’s my consolation.

2013 was particularly a year of firsts.

I got my first full-time job. I learnt how to work under a female boss(looking forward to working under a male boss too) and under official working conditions. At the end of the short but eventful 3 months, I made up I mind I was gonna be my own boss. I was never gonna work for anybody.

I also got my first online job which was somewhat a dream job. Unexpected! Working with African Naturalistas has been eye-opening. I can proudly add team work to one of my skills. My teammates are gradually becoming a family and I love that I can look out for them in the society.

My first natural hair journey has been something. A couple of days ago, I took down my twists which was almost causing a migraine. I didn’t know when I took a scissors and started chopping off the knots. Detangling was strange to me.. Still is. I almost cried.

I’m currently getting my first training as a professional photographer. There are times when it all just sounds like gibberish and I wanna toss them out of the window and just take a photo without being conscious of the rules and putting the techniques into perspective. It’s been fun though and I can’t wait to really start off. I also got to handle a DSLR for the first time.

My first experience at The Experience was life-changing.

2013 was the year I was actually single. No boy dramas, no strings, no attachments, just reclusity. I learnt to be comfortable and enjoy my own company. Serenity and solitude have become my watchword. It got lonely at some point but especially when I see a couple being all mushy-mushy but I survived. I promised myself I wasn’t gonna get into a relationship just because and I’m glad the opportunity didn’t show itself.

I took Creative Writing serious for the first time this year. I actually saw the possibility of a career/side hustle in it..

For the first time in my entire life, my mum called me an adult. Yes, it’s very serious. You see, I’m not very tall, so there’s a possibility she still sees me as that 15 year old. So when she made that comment, I was sort of taken aback but at the same time happy that she realises I’m an a young adult thereby allowing me take decisions for myself.

Order than the firsts, it’s been a year of

Growth. Drastic, meaningful growth. I’m feel totally different from how I did at the beginning of the year. My life suddenly has definition and is going in the right direction. For the first time, I dropped some friends. People that didn’t add meaning to my life. As harsh or thoughtless as it sounds, I’m actually grateful for the strength to do it.. I don’t have to worry about people filling me with the wrong vibe.

Clarity. God has just been faithful. Often times this year as always, he revealed a lot of things which helped me make headway. I love that I could consult Him concerning any area of my life and He would give me feedback!

Sanity. With all the craziness going on around, it’s by the grace of God, we’re not loosing our minds.

Budding Friendships. With the intentional drop of old friends, it seemed appropriate to replace them with new people but I wasn’t in a rush. I wanted people with kindred spirits who shared the same values and I’m glad I got them. They might not be so many but I’m grateful for them still.

Revamp! I finally got around to revamping my playlist thanks to Sola. I discovered some pretty amazing contemporary christian artistes

Abstinence. Last year I made a vow to keep myself until marriage and I’m grateful to God for grace and discipline.

Answered prayers. For the past 20years my family and I have been looking up to God for something and we got it this year.

A blogpost won’t be enough for me to count my blessings. My heart’s just full of gratitude and like Tiana said I’m looking forward to a double portion in 2014.

My lowlights will be coming up in my next post.

Always and Forever
EB.