For Mum and Dad

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It’s my parents’ anniversary today. If I think of the situation of things in my home, I probably won’t have any reason to write. But I will.

I can’t count how many times I’ve prayed for my folks to divorce. Sadly they’ve been able to tolerate each other for our sakes even though they’ve been separated for more than seven years and it looks like the best seven years of my life till date. When I look at how they’ve become, I begin to question God. So I don’t think too much about them. I just ignore and pretend it’s OK and all is well. When you see me you probably won’t have the faintest idea of what I’m going though because I’m a happy child. I don’t let these things get to me. I drown myself in whatever I find; Twitter,Books, Writing, Music whatever just to get away.

But 23years down the line, we’re here. I’m torn between celebrating their ”marriage” and wondering what the future holds for them.

Sigh

Happy Anniversary Guys!

Always and Forever
E

P.S: That was my parents and I some 18years ago when it was all rosy.I used this because i would give anything to have them back the same way again.

To A Gem..

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So it’s my sister’s birthday today. i hope i didn’t mix the date up again. A couple of months ago, we were at an embassy interview and i totally blanked out. I knew it was between 21-24, so i just picked one. SMH. For some reasons,we don’t live together. If I’m lucky enough, i get to see her once a year,so we really don’t have a relationship so to speak and we hardly talk. Yep! Crazy i know. She doesn’t even know that I’m a writer,hasn’t read any of my works and isn’t aware of my natural hair journey. We’re just…….Distant.

Regardless of our dysfunctional relationship, i still love her. I miss her so much it hurts.There’s a point in every girl life when she needs her sister to hold her back. Inasmuch as i try to deny it, i guess I’m at this point now.

Anyways enough of the sobbing..

Happy Birthday Mayowa!.

Wishing you all that you wish yourself and more

I love you so so much

God bless you. :*:*:*

Can’t wait to be re-united with you again.

X_X

Dear Mother

Hiya Good People.

I’ve had the most awkward sunday ever! *phew. I was so uncomfortable in church and have been in a foul mood ever since. Feranmi’s fault. 😐 Shoutout to Dunni for coming over to cheer me up.
Apparently it’s Mother’s day today again! We’ve had like how many this year?! And there are still more to come. The world really needs to make up her mind and pick a date instead of messing with our heads. Smh.
Moving on. I realised i hadn’t written anything on my mother previously. Well, i’ve decided to today.

My mother and i haven’t had a rosy relationship despite the fact that i’m her first and only daughter. We’re supposed to have a special magical mother-daughter bond right?! Ours is different. I have two brothers behind me nine years difference between them. Before the birth of my kid brother,it had always been my brother & I plus my MIA half-sister. Because i was older my mother had always thought i could fend for myself so she payed ‘more special’ attention to my brothers. Honestly, i couldn’t be more bothered. Well, i grew up like that and like i said earlier,i wasn’t anyone’s pet. I was alone. Still am.
Because of the kind of person she was we didn’t always agree even till now. I always wanted to have my way once my mind was made up. This always caused the fight. I was tagged stubborn and rebellious. Only if they knew i didn’t care. I was never bothered about what they;my parents thought about me. I believed i couldn’t please them. Anyways back to my mother, our humpty-dumpty relationship continued until a couple of years ago after my high school. She tried to bond with me and support me in my chosen field of study. Fast forward years later, i won’t say we are were i want us to be buh at least we’re somewhere. We have a relationship no matter how small or distant. We aren’t at loggerheads(well,sometimes) buh she’s present,alive and active.

I’m really grateful for my mother especially with the kind of father i have. She’s been a pillar to us as a family both individually and collectively. Really i don’t think i still need to be complaining with all this. Spiritually,Financially name it,she’s been there. Even though she could be partial and bias with my brothers i’m still grateful and i hope and pray she lives well enough to reap the fruit of her labour. Amen.

Happy Mother’s Day.
x

Alike Yet So Different

How are y’all doing?

”Oh you look so much like your mom. Anytime i see you, i see her and vice-versa.” I get this a lot!!!
My mom and i look totally alike that most times;when we are together no-one needs to ask whether i’m her daughter. They just keep staring. One will think with so much resemblance we will have so much in common. I wish!

My mom & i are so alike yet different. I think the only thing we share is our looks. Apart from that i can really think of anything else right now. We’re different in almost everything and because of this we tend to disagree a lot. Most times,i always want to have my way buh she comes out with a theory of why it should go her way. I take that as a motherly behaviour and so i don’t argue. There are times it gets to a peak that i let it all out. At that time,i really don’t care whether or not she’s my mum. I just wanna say my mind!

Moving on, I remember growing up on my own. I have two brothers after me so she almost totally ignored me. While my brothers were getting the whole TLC,i was on my own fending for myself. My dad was(is) MIA. He was like a mannequin in the house. I learnt almost everything on my own! Saved up my pocket money to buy makeup,novels,jewellery and almost everything i possessed. I even taught myself to cook. (i can’t stand staying in the kitchen with her). The only thing she bought were clothes,shoes and a couple of necessities. Anyways, i wasn’t so bothered, i learnt to take care of myself fast! I was independent in my own little way. She also wasn’t so involved in my personal life. I had a way of putting her @ arm’s length. So she knew absolutely nothing. She wasn’t even aware of my relationships. I ALWAYS confided in my best friend.(God Bless Dayo!). You can imagine growing up like that so it has kinda become part of me. Even till now,there are still so many things i don’t tell her. That ‘mother-daughter relationship’ is so faint.

Anyways, I’m kinda happy with the person i’ve turned out to be. Even without being my mum’s best friend,i still turned out well. I have God,Church,School and my best friend to thank. I was always very cautious, still am. I’ve instilled values and standards in myself. I have a sense of direction and a mind of my own. I can’t settle for less! With all this,my mom should be happy for me….if only she knew. She hardly gives me audience. She soo annoying so i keep everything to myself.

Notwithstanding,i love my mum. Amean she’s like both parents to me now and she brought me to this world. Even though i’ve secretly wished my aunt was my mom. We’re totally on the same level and she gets me. We have this level of understanding and we also look a lot alike! People always think i’m her daugther when we’re out together and she’s so quick to claim me. LOL.

Couple or Housemates??

Ok so i’m here to vent and this can’t wait.

I come from a dysfunctional family. So many things are done wrong,misplaced priorities here and there. There’s little or no family bond. Just recently i heard a story about my parents that i’ve never heard before.
When my mom was done narrating ‘her story’, so many things began to make sense. It was then i realised one mistake,just one mistake can change your life positively or negatively. Sadly, in my parents’ case, it’s negatively.
Apparently, they had issues before they got married (some 22years ago). My dad made a terrible mistake and then went on to apologise to my mom who naively forgave him and went ahead to marry him.
*sigh*
Now, she regrets ever making that decision.
Before i heard this story, i felt something was wrong somewhere. They weren’t like the regular lovey-dovey couple who after so many years of being together were still madly in love with each other. They hardly even pass compliments (from what i’ve noticed) or share gifts or behave like a couple. It was like they were strangers or better still housemates. Their priorities changed. My mom was/is bent on taking care of us with/without my dad while he is ‘obsesssed’ with something else,ignoring his family duties. It’s like they despise each other and are only being tolerant because of us the children.
Wow! Such role models?
As i grew older, i began to notice this things because it was affecting us. My father wasn’t a ‘dad’ to us. He poured his love and affection to something else. Infact, we began to ‘hate’ him.
Right now my hatred is filled with so much bitterness and anger. The Holy Spirit just has a way of surpressing and keeping me in control so i don’t do things i’ll end up regretting.
My mum believes he’s bewitched and hasn’t given up praying for him. If she had her way, she would have left him long ago buh because of us.
I feel so sorry for her because she’s so unhappy. Things aren’t going the way it should. My biggest fear is that she will die without reaping the fruit of her labour. That’s something i can’t live with because she deserves soooo much more.
I actually stopped praying for my dad to change instead i handed him over to God and have redirected my prayers for my mom.
Even though i still love to see a big happy family, part of me has given up on that. It’s up to me now to learn from them and not have a repeat. I know i will find true happiness when i start my own family but for now….happiness,love,affection are just words!

Sister Sister

As i was checking out the new Facebook mobile Timeline, i stumbled on my half-sister’s profile. I clicked on it only to see a photo where she was tagged as a final year student. I was shocked! 😮 At first i began to calculate from the time she got admission into the university till date. To save myself any further stress, i just went straight up to my dad to confirm. He said she was in 300L (Year 3) and will be graduating next year.

*sigh*

One childhood memory i can vividly recall was when i woke up one day to see a girl slighty older and bigger than me crying in my living room. I was all drowsy and confused. In my mind i was like ‘who is this girl crying like this?’ Lo and behold, she was my half-sister. That was when our rocky relationship began. Over the years, we werent stable, we didnt live together for a long time without something coming up which required her to move only to come back a couple of years later.
Our relationship didnt fully start until some 8yrs ago. She was stable for a while cause she had to finish high school. That short period was the climax of it all.
We got to know each other properly you know. We had this bond. We shared a lot of things. Infact she contributed a lot to what i am today. She influenced me big time.
1. My coke addiction started from her. She practically thought me how to drink coke daily.
2. She taught me how to read novels overnight. Btw,im an avid reader.
3. My first knowledge of Makeup was from her. (i’m wayyyyy better than her now 😀 and a makeup artiste in the making)
Anyone that really knows me knows that these are one of the important things in my life. That short period of time we shared has been the best for me so far. We talked about practically everything; how our weddings would be like,boyfriends and basically everything girls talk about. Even though were totally different,we got along perfectly well. We hardly fought. She was my best friend until she graduated from high school.
My dad isn’t the easiest person to get along with so she moved out. They had issues. At first, we would still talk on phone and chat online until she got admission into the uni.
We gradually became distant until we became friends then strangers which is our present situation. I really tried to get in touch with her buh eventually i lost interest. I wasn’t even bothered and she wasn’t either. Besides i had school and loads of other things to worry about. It got to a point that i spoke to her only once in a year which was on her birthday.

*sigh*

Even after trying to contact her,she had a way of killing my spirit and enthusiasm with her response. So i just let go you know.i gave her her space. Stayed away. I know she has her reasons for being so distant. That’s why i believe,hope and pray that very soon we would be able to restore our broken relationship.
I love my sister too much to be a stranger to her and i miss her. 😦

Why Me? :(

For some personal reasons, i don’t attend a regular school. This is supposed to be a sacrifice for a greater goal.Lately, ive been asking myself whether or not i made a right decision.If i had known,i would have just applied to a ‘regular school’ and left when necessary. At the same time, im tryna console myself because this has been a period of in depth self-discovery. Im definately not the same person i was a year ago.Ive been able to get to know the ‘real me’. It has been a bit scary buh i try as much as possible to be totally honest with myself.
One of the things i have discovered is my relationship with my parents. I watch movies a lot so ive an idea of what i want from my parents in terms of trust & attention. God knows i would have loved to have a ‘perfect’ relationship with them. i know,its not impossible. A situation where i can tell them almost everything and not turn to a bestie or a blog(no offense). On a scale of 1-10,our relationship is 4. Not even average. How sad :(. (I promised myself this won’t repeat itself with my children). So ive the general problem;they don’t understand me. So much that alot of my beliefs and values are hardly influenced by them. We have different doctrines & beliefs. Instead of trying to understand where im coming from they try to shove theirs down my throat.i mean they ave absolutely no idea what its like to grow up in this generation. They have this impression of me that’s totally contrary to who i really am.I feel for them cos this few times i still have with them they arnt even making an attempt.They feel because they are older they are always right which is totally wrong. Don’t get me wrong,i respect them a lot buh many a times i wish i had different parents who understood me perfectly. Inasmuch as i try to make them reason with me,they just dont. *sigh.
Then again i remember that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord. In the end i feel this is supposed to be a training process for me. Im not supposed to be totally reliable on my parents thereby ignoring God. If i have had ‘perfect parents’ i might not even be bothered with my relationship with God. I feel God has picked this issue to draw me closer to Him.What a big relief! *deep sigh*.

Happy Birthday Mom!

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So its my mom’s birthday today.Wow! i don’t even know where to start from.First of all,HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

My mom & I haven’t rili been best of friends.We weren’t always on the same page.We have different philosophies and desire totally different things.I always felt she didn’t understand me because she paid more attention to my brothers than me.So i kinda felt neglected & kept to myself sometimes confiding in my bestie then.The turning point came when i finished high school.We became a bit close.We talked more,hung out more and she began to understand me gradually so she had no choice but to eventually support me.Even though we still don’t have the kind of relationship i would have loved to have with her,im still grateful for the one I have,She has been a pillar of strength for me especially in my spiritual life.I learnt the basics of Christianity from her.My mom has been the best and without her,i don’t know where i would have been today.God has and is still using her for me.

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Happy Birthday Mom.Wishing you long life,prosperity and everything you wish for yourself. I love you and God bless.:)

P.S: Thats my mom & I some 17years ago! 😉