Don’t Touch Me!

So a couple of days ago, after waiting a long while, I couldn’t contain my craving for Boli (Roasted plantain) anymore, I set out to get some. As I was waiting for the woman selling to attend to me, this random guy that had been hitting on me for a while now just came from nowhere and placed his hand on my shoulder and before I could say Jack Robinson, I screamed ”Don’t touch me!!!!!!”. The dude removed his hand instantly.

Honestly I have no idea where that came from. No, I think I do. I don’t like being touched for any random reason. Gosh! Don’t touch me! Yes, I could get really touchy and it’s not very pretty. I literally cringe when anyone including my friends touch me. Feranmi can testify to this. He probably also thinks I’m weird or something. LOL. No but really, I don’t particularly appreciate being touched especially if we not involved in any way. Even at that, I always keep people at arm’s length. I think the only time I feel comfortable with being touched is when I feel emotionally safe and secure with the person. Then I can open up and maybe allow you to some extent. Other than that, please control yourself. Besides, I think it’s disrespectful really, especially if you’re not well acquainted with someone and then after every little thing, you have to touch to make emphasis, please you should seek help. I find it weird really.

This is one pet-peeve I do not take lightly.

How about you? Do you mind being touched (un)necessarily?

Toodles
EB.

Facade Or Not?

A few weeks ago, while I was going about my business for my next post on AN, I stumbled on BLGH’s Male Natural Hair Icons. Now the this intrigued me enough to start a series. One of the guys featured was Larry. Hot, sassy, eye-catchy with an enormously gorgeous mane. That wasn’t all. I went through his interview and one thing that stuck out for me was his reference to his faith. His was(is) obviously a believer. ( I’m careful not to use the word ”Christian”. He could be a facade for all we know but I couldn’t be bothered.)

Next up was the search for his twitter handle. Luckily, he was gracious enough to include it in his response. Then, I looked it up and followed him. After a while, when the hysteria had subsided, I tweeted at him. His avatar then revealed quite the opposite of what I was expecting. He had chopped off his ‘fro. I could not understand how and why. Then I asked him. Days(ssss) went by(he’s obviously not a regular tweeter) and he finally replied last night.

His exact words;

”basically it represented a lot of things that were in the way, obscuring my view of the
divine father & the son. i realized i let too much of my life be focused on me, and i wanted more of it to be focused on god”.

Okay. Fine. Understood. His current avatar shows that his hair has grown to a certain length. Let’s assume BSL and I’m like ”it’s growing again, gonna keep cutting it?” And he says;

”i cut it again after that, but for now i don’t know. i think i accomplished for me what i needed
to when i shaved it the 1st time. Now i have a clearer perspective of its (and all it represented) place in my life”.

After reading this and correlating it to his interview, I was impressed. In my opinion, he has a level of understanding of his faith and/or spirituality. And I’m asking myself, ” Could I cut out completely anything that would come in the way of my relationship with God?” I let that sink for a minute.

Whilst reflecting, King comes up with own views. He had seen my retweets and didn’t particularly agree with Larry’s explanation/point of view. And I’m like, alright fine then, but you can’t just conclude, could we at least give him the benefit of the doubt? King insists and is not swayed. According to him, which I agree, there’re tons of psychos on the internet that would do anything for attention and would use religion as a justification and this really isn’t any different. I had to stop the argument from escalating. We probably would go on and on.

I’m not particularly bothered about whether or not Larry is saying the whole truth. Whatever his motives are, are entirely his business. However his portrayal is quite intriguing and it reminds me of Matthew 5:29,

”If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose
one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell”

Need I say more?

EB.

Between The Internet And My Sanity

It’s 2am on a Sunday morning. I have no idea why I’m still awake when I clearly have to be up in a few hours to attend first service and believers class thereafter. But what can I do? Sleep has decided to take a coffee break after a fairly long nap the previous day.

What else? Twitterville is somewhat hibernating with little or no action but endless tweets and retweets from parody accounts. So, I go with what looks like the only alternative left; blog-hopping.

I stumble on Ibukun’s inactive blog(not quite sure now), read through and shared a few posts until this particular one where she explained her decision to ”give Twitter up” . Mind you, this post is over a year old and I remember reading it but not paying so much attention to it because it didn’t resonate with me at that point in time. Infact, scrolling down the comments section, my exact words were;

”Nahh I don’t think I can do this especially since this(Twitter in particular, The Internet in general) is what’s keeping me sane right now”

Hold that thought.

I went back to the article to read some of the links she made reference to. By the time I’m done halfway through the third article about the guy who gave up the Internet for a year, I had a paradigm shift. Suddenly that comment I made almost a year ago seemed invalid.

When I was writing my list of 21 things, one of the points included was to stay off the internet for a week. In my mind, I knew it wasn’t remotely possible but I was ready to challenge myself.

It’s been a little over two years since I became an active citizen of the internet. Not that I didn’t have prior knowledge or access to it, I wasn’t just consumed with it as I am now. It’s quite understandable. Times have changed. No matter how much I’d like to think of myself as a Victorian, I just have to flow with the vibe.

So, I’m at this point trying to compare the pros and cons of ”living on the internet”. Obviously, the pros outweighs the cons in terms of accessibility,availability and whatnot. Undoubtedly, I’ve been able to discover, develop and push myself. Good thing is I didn’t allow myself be swayed by throwing my morals out of the window. Probably because of the way I’m wired. So there’s no issue there. But on the flip side which I’m not quite sure is a disadvantage yet is my reclusity. In my head, it’s all part of the transition to adulthood. Recently, I got asked out on a date and for some (un)conscious reasons, I kept stalling. I haven’t been on a date in like forever! Ola; who serves as my default boyfriend hasn’t been avaliable for a while now so I was supposed to be excited about it but no I wasn’t. You know why? I didn’t see any need for it.. Yep! At this rate I’m not gonna meet people at all and I’d probably not get married. Yeah,we’ll probably date through DMs. Smh. No but really it is an issue for me that’s why I’m eventually gonna have to take time off the internet if things don’t change for the better. It doesn’t even help matters that I currently have online jobs and planning to take up more. Really! Sigh.

Bottom line is I’m have to strike a balance and fix my social life.

I’m gonna end with a few excerpts from one of the articles I read. This struck a chord and I was literally moved to tears because it’s aptness.

 

”….Can we all agree that making friends is just plain hard? You inevitably face awkward conversations, and awkward dinner every now and then, and for lack of a better term, after much investment, you may just come to find out the chemistry (not romantic) just isn’t there.”

”…As if rejection doesn’t take a serious toll on a human being as it is, we’ve now added another dimension. I’m almost tempted to call it imaginary rejection. Rejected by those we’ve never even met. Nor talk to on a normal, consistent basis.With comparison comes jealousy and I’m not sure anything steals your joy quicker than feeling jealous.”

” Because of this new season and revelation, I’ve found that reverting to the internet to bring me
community and companionship is just as easy, but it lacks true intimacy and vulnerability, which to me, is no relationship at all. While making friends and creating community takes time, work, patience, vulnerability,initiation and so much more, the reality is, we were created for face-to-face friendships, not face-to-screen. We want to be known, loved and accepted, but we fear rejection,so we are more comfortable to correspond with people on twitter, as opposed to calling up a friend to meet for dinner”

”But the truth of the matter is, it’s our responsibility to take control of what we let rule over and own us.”

 

EB.

Out And About.

So it’s Valentine’s day today.

The girls and I had fun. We unconsciously and unexpectedly went out of the cliche guy-girl norm. It was all good until two of us became third wheels and had to leave(Thankfully). Yes a guy eventually came around.

Personally I don’t believe in Valentine’s day. I think it’s overrated because there’s so much hype and thirst attached to it.. The pressure to deliver and not be seen as being broke or stingy and the thirst to receive gifts no matter how small and flaunt it. Guys want to pamper. Girls want to be pampered. There’s competition. Who gives better gifts and who doesn’t. And then the most annoying part is the emphasis placed on sex. I have no idea where the deranged idea that the day is incomplete without sex came from. Of course after the guy has drained his account just to please his partner, he sort of expects some dividends in return. Most times if not all the time it’s sex. Blah blah blah!

No I’m not depressed neither am I excited about the day. Maybe because of my marital status, maybe not. The truth is, I’ve never really celebrated the day or received gifts honouring the day so in my head, it’s just another day of the week. #DontJudgeMe.

But you know what’s peculiar about today? I took myself out, bought myself food and had fun just because. Apart from the people looking ridiculous with their red and white outfits, I probably wouldn’t remember it’s Valentine’s day.

Meanwhile, I love today’s date; 14-02-14.

Okay I think I should go.

Love,love and more love
EB.

#ThankfulThursdays

This past few weeks, I’m particularly thankful for

– The gift of life
– The Holy spirit who’s ever present nudging me to read my Bible even though I fail to most times.
– Provision of all sorts
– Steady internet connection
– Mindless chatter with the girls
– Intellectual conversations
– Perseverance
– Contentment
– Sanity
– Smiles, giggles and laughter
– Good reputation
– Budding friendships
– Roasted plantain and groundnut
– The ability to sympathise
– 8+ hours of sleep daily
– Good health in between relapses
– My value system
– The strength to study
– Priorities
– Functional ATMs without queues
– Love

What are you thankful for?

EB.

On Starting Over.

I promise I’ve been planning to write all this while instead of posting videos back-to-back, I just needed to gather and arrange my littered thoughts.

In the space of about three months, I’ve heard two stories on how two individuals left everything and started over, education-wise for some reasons. Personally the first one seemed more valid as it was something I could relate with and could actually do. The second one was more shattering and for days I couldn’t get over it.. I was literally distraught. My emotions were messed up and I began to wonder,

”What if it was me?”

Would I be bold enough to leave everything despite the challenges and pressure especially parental and societal and start over? Honestly? No I don’t think I can. I don’t think I could live with it.. My heart wouldn’t allow it.. But on the long-run, I’m asking myself, ”Would I have regretted not making that decision when I could have and age wasn’t catching up with me even if it was?” Absolutely! It would probably haunt me for the rest of my life.

I don’t think it’s particularly easy for anyone to just stop whatever it is they’re doing at that moment for various reasons and decide to start over. Be it a job, career, or even a course of study in school. It takes a special level of grace to leave everything behind and turn to something unknown with only hope in sight.

There was a time in my life when I also at a point of desperation for something. I had the utmost faith and belief that I was gonna get it.. No matter the level I was in school, I was ready to start over. I didn’t care about anything else. I had my eyes solely on the prize. Long story short, till now it didn’t yield. I was angry with myself, angry that I apparently didn’t do enough, angry with God because I believed I did everything necessary.Good thing is, it didn’t lead to depression, I simply redirected my energy to something else pending the time.

My point is, it’s not everyone that has the courage to pick up the pieces of their lives, pack their bags,turn around and embark on a life-changing journey. I have a new found respect for people that have found themselves in this category and my heart goes out to them. The Lord is your strength and He will definitely see you through because His grace is sufficient.

Love and grace.
EB.

I’ll Be There

I have no idea where this song came from, all of a sudden playing in my head. This timeless piece by the Jackson 5 speaks volume and I couldn’t help but allow myself be serenaded by it. Yes yes i really hope to sing it to someone someday.

You and I must make a pact,
We must bring salvation back
Where there is love,
I’ll be there (I’ll be there…)

I’ll reach out my hand to you, I’ll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I’ll be there
(I’ll be there…)

Chorus:
And oh – I’ll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you,
I’m so glad that I found you
I’ll be there with a love that’s strong
I’ll be your strength, I’ll keep holding on –
(Yes I will, yes I will)

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well that’s all I’m after
Whenever you need me, I’ll be there
I’ll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love I respect you
Just call my name and I’ll be there

(Chorus)

If you should ever find someone new,
I know he’d better be good to you
‘Cos if he doesn’t, I’ll be there
(I’ll be there…)

Don’t you know, baby, yeah yeah
I’ll be there, I’ll be there, just call my name, I’ll be there
(I’ll be there…)

(Just look over your shoulders, honey – ooh)

I’ll be there, I’ll be there, whenever you need me, I’ll be there

Don’t you know, baby, yeah yeah

 

EB.

#NP Glee Cast – Somebody To Love

Listened to this song today after a long while. Used to top my playlist.Didn’t realize it had that much effect on me. I love it. As usual, Cory Monteith‘s sonorous voice stood out for me. RIP.

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you’re doing to me
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can’t get no relief, Lord!

Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard every day of my life
I work till I ache my bones
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own –
I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord – somebody – somebody
Can anybody find me – somebody to love?

(He works hard)

Everyday – I try and I try and I try –
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I’m goin’ crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe
Yeah – yeah yeah yeah

Oh Lord
Somebody – somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I’m ok, I’m alright
Ain’t gonna face no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I’m gonna be free, Lord!

Find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

EB.

2014: Finding Love and Friendships

Hey!

At the beginning of the year, I intentionally skipped some things when making plans for the year. Probably because as important as they are, I didn’t think I was ready to put an effort and/or do something about them. They include

Find love (again)

Make new friends

Just a couple of weeks ago, both of my friends pointed out the fact that I needed to leave the comfort of my home and meet people. I used Twitter as an excuse. Left to me, I could stay on the internet all day and connect with people without stepping an inch away from my bed hence my current status of reclusity. It’s actually become a lifestyle. So it was easy for me not to make resolutions about them but you know how life is; it has a way of throwing you off balance with it’s unpredictions and knocking you into reality. So, I’ve unconsciously[keyword] decided to follow the yellow brick road wherever it leads which means I’ll probably do some things just because. Nothing premeditated of any sort just moving in the direction of the wind until I return to my shell.

Good news is I’ve met new people. I hope I can keep up, follow through and not get bored of them. I feel like my expectations of people are too high and if after a while they don’t seem to meet up, I’d just leave them hanging. Reason for a lot of ”failed” friendships in the past.

Then again,there was a quote on Pinterest that said something about ”most writers being introverts”. Up until now, I’ve never really considered myself as an introvert especially because I used to have a very active social life with tons of friends. I was a full-fledged extrovert until a couple of years ago when the tables turned.

For some reasons, I’m not particularly thrilled about giving love another chance or rather opening up to dating this year especially since it didn’t leave on a good note previously but if it comes, I’m not holding back. Love is a beautiful thing and I’m not about to deprive myself of that even though I think it comes with a truckload of quirks. Relationships are a lot of work and sometimes when I think of it, I’d rather just remain single as a pringle.

Meanwhile, I think solitude and serenity are grossly underrated! Yes! Yes! I’m an advocate. Don’t get tired of hearing it.

Love,friends and serenity
EB.

#NP Brooke Fraser – Shadowfeet

There’s something about this song.

Walking, stumbling on these shadow feet
Toward home, a land that Ive never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began

And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
Ill be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through, Ill be found in You

Theres distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows its easier to stay
But Ive heard rumors of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
Ill be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through, Ill be found in You

You make all things new, you make all things new
You make all things new, you make all things
You make all things

When the world has fallen out from under me
Ill be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through, Ill be found in You

When the world has fallen out from under me
Ill be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through, Ill be found in You
When time and space are through, Ill be found in You
When time and space are through, Ill be found in You

EB.