Yes! I mean it!.
Right now i feel so angry and bitter that i resent my father! I think i wished him dead a couple of times. I believe it’s better to have someone that is alive and useful than alive and not-so-useful. I didn’t think i would be one of the people that will experience Father Crisis! Not in my wildest dreams! And it’s been like that all along. Almost 20years! *sigh* if someone had told me,my dad would turn out this way,i wouldn’t have believed. I would even have fought with the person and kept my distance. Right now, all i feel is resentment and almost-hatred! Yeah! It’s unbelievable. As a child of God,i’m not supposed to feel this way. The Holy Spirit has a way of supressing it so i don’t even think about it. Buh i live with him, what can i do?? My frustration is @ its peak! And as someone said it’s kinda affecting my relationship with guys. So i’ve kinda stayed away from dating, also because i haven’t found someone that can understand me to this extent
Dissapointments have become my second nature. I don’t even expect anything from anybody again just to avoid any more.
I was born on my dad’s birthday so i’m supposed to be his precious birthday gift! Amean that why they named me ”Ebunoluwa” (Gift of God). After my birth and that of my siblings,we didnt have a normal childhood even till date. My mum as far as i am concerned has been both parents. You will understand when i say ”she’s my world”. My dad didn’t do what regular fathers did. He practically neglected us (till date),whilst living with us. He never left the house for a day buh to us He is just an housemate.
As i grew older,my mom encouraged us to pray for him. We were seperated for 7 years (best seven years of my life) because of my mom’s job. So there was enough time & space to intercede on his behalf. After a couple of years,i didn’t see any improvements, i stopped praying. I didn’t see the use anymore and till date i can’t bring myself to pray for him. I just can’t! I’ve left him to God. Just this evening, i was thinking of what i would say during his burial when he eventually dies. Right now i have nothing to say!!! I redirected my prayers to my mom because i don’t think i can live without her.
At this stage of my life, i just have a biological father and not a daddy! 😦 :(. I don’t think i know what it feels like to have daddy.
I’m just so grateful because God has used my mom in so many ways that i couldn’t have imagined. She’s like my compensation buh those fatherly shoes can’t really be filled!
So don’t judge me when i say fathers are overated because that’s just how i feel. 😦
Yes! I mean it!.